Differing political views

[herewegoagain1960s]

I’ve met a great bloke. We’re both widowed and have developed an easy new relationship. Lots of future plans which align and no red flags. Lots of laughs, both have great families and all is good. Except one thing.

He does hold slightly more extreme political views than me. Usually more than up for a bit of a healthy debate but some of his more extreme views, I’ve had to ask that we don’t discuss. He’s fine with my request. His views are nothing more than what a lot of the UK are voicing but still!

He is a lovely, genuine and caring man, which in my experience is a bit of a rarity.

This can work can’t it?

Depends really. If he's a big TR fan and is voicing some of that shite then I'd be off like a shot.

Right Wing reform voter? No chance. Anyone who agreed with Stephen Y-L or Nigel would get short shrift. 🤮

If what you’re saying is he holds far right views and you don’t, nope, would not touch it with a barge pole. It’s great to have friends and acquaintances with diverse perspectives. In a relationship though, I think fundamentally sharing the same values and worldview is really important. I would find it horribly unattractive to know that deep down someone was really racist, for example, even if we agreed not to discuss it. Ultimately, if they are truly living by their values, it will come out in how they treat people and that’s just a big ick for me.

For me it depends. If he is, for example, a brexiteer or reform voter who is a bit more right than the the tories, you could probably make it work. If he is Tommy level right wing, that is too far right for me.

For me it would depend on how extreme, and also how big a part of his/your lives your political opinions are. I have close friends whom for all I know could be far right, I have no idea what their views are, they’ve never shared and I’ve never asked, lots of people have their ideas but don’t obsess over them/discuss them

I couldn’t resist trying to find out where he has picked up these ideas and how he thinks they are fair. I’d be prepared to not like what it told me about him and so I’d expect that that would be it for me.

Having written that out, I’m not sure whether him just repeating things he has heard others say or really having thought through and come to these conclusions would be worse in my opinion.

There are two key variables here that, together, will impact how sustainable this is:

1 How completely far off your views is he?
2 How strongly do you feel about people with his view?

Only you can answer those questions.

Yes I think it can work. Political views can change over time and he may come to agree more with you/more neutral views overtime with considered and respectful discussion. His characteristics are most important and it sounds like he's kind, a family man and looking forward to adventures with you. Good luck OP

Thank you for this. We had a chat about it last night and he explained a little more about his views. I’m not so concerned and I think we can agree to disagree. It’s nothing extreme at all.

Appreciate everyone taking time to respond! Xx

You described his views as "extreme" twice in your OP, but now you're saying that they aren't extreme at all. So which is it? Are you saying that you've changed your mind because of his explanation?

As to whether it can work or not, it really depends what you feel able to tolerate. I would not personally be able to be in a relationship with someone whose views I considered to be immoral, but I am aware that some don't seem to worry about whether their partner is a decent human being.

Hmm. If he has views that you are so uncomfortable with that you've asked him not to mention them, that does sound quite extreme.

One question would be - what do you feel like his views show you about his values?

E.g. if he was an Andrew Tate fan (I know he's not a politician but just as an example) even if he was nice to you, you could probably guess she doesn't respect women. Which obviously does not bode well for a relationship.

For me absolutely not. Because these kind of extreme political views are tied into all kinds of anti intellectual nonsense like anti Vax and believing absurd conspiracy theories and even at the basic level a complete misunderstanding of the need for factual information in politics.

Yes, I think it can work, @herewegoagain1960s.
It might even be a good sign, meaning that you actually get along well rather than thinking you do because you both nod along to all the same talking points.

I couldn’t shag a Reform voter. My fanny would seal up.