My family is complicated: three marriages, several half/step siblings, and I’m the youngest by 15 years. My biological mum passed away and my step-mum (who I’ve called Mum since I was six) raised me, though I was away at boarding school most of my childhood.
Favoritism has always been shown toward my step-sister, who lives near my parents, works in the family business, and whose husband was even made a director. Her husband has been openly rude to me and especially to my husband. For example, he’ll walk into a room and ignore us, whisper about my husband to my half-brother, or make comments like “Who would want to go to that?” when my husband’s stag do was mentioned. He’s also made digs at others, e.g. correcting my brother-in-law at dinner with “You don’t say ‘can I,’ you say ‘may I.’” My parents once told me he was “upset” because my husband had “blanked him,” which caused huge arguments several weeks before our wedding. Over time, this behaviour has meant we’ve been excluded from family events, including once being told not to come to Christmas because he “didn’t want my husband in his house.”
To avoid conflict, we’ve kept distance for seven years, and I’ve managed to keep a good relationship with my step-sister by not discussing our husbands.
The issue now: My father (in his 80s) has arranged big “experience” trips for his grandchildren. This year was meant to be my son’s turn, but because my father is unwell, he swapped himself out for my step-sister and her husband—without telling us. We only found out after the invite was made. When I objected, I was told it was because they “help out a lot.”
The trip is extremely expensive (tens of thousands), but we had no involvement in booking or costs. Now my father says we either go with my step-sister and her husband or pay the money back. He’s even sent my husband an abusive email telling him to “make up” with my brother-in-law, and has told the travel agent we’re all going regardless.
My husband refuses to go, and I don’t want to either, but I’m torn because my son shouldn’t suffer for this, and I don’t want to seem uncaring toward my ill father. Any attempt at discussion ends in rows, and I feel completely stuck.
Any advice?