Totally let down postpartum by husband

[Unsureofwhatstocome]

Hi all, I (31f) have been married to my husband (33) for 4 years. We had a baby 16 weeks ago who is absolutely wonderful and was very much a wanted addition to our family. Unfortunately I had an extremely difficult labour and birth, over 36 hours and when my daughter was born she wasn’t breathing and had an extremely low apgar score and was taken to nicu. I had a bad haemorrhage and was very unwell following the delivery. Obviously the initial few weeks were very hard but I felt like my husband was supportive. Since about 6 weeks post partum (when he returned to work) the dynamic between us has completely changed. I feel he snaps at me constantly and I admittedly go cold and withdraw into myself. We have been sleeping in separate rooms as he works long hours , so I am in our room with the baby and he is in the spare room. He works five days a week and I do the overnights plus obviously days wjth the baby and then at the weekend we do one night each and have a night off each. The baby doesn’t sleep through the night, but only usually wakes twice. I find it very hard to keep up with all of the cooking/cleaning and maintenance of the house during the day as I want to be engaged and interacting with my daughter. My husband is an only child and has always had everything done for him by his mother , cooking, cleaning etc. Recently I have been asking him to help more with the housework as I feel my mental load is huge and I still have lots to do after the baby has gone to bed to get on top of laundry etc. He does do some things, taking out bins and washing bottles etc when he’s at home but he’s extremely defensive when asked to do anymore. I’ve explained I’m overwhelmed with trying to do so much and I can’t imagine what it will be like when I return to work in 10 weeks time. We had words about this last night and he basically said he can’t and won’t do any more around the house and that he thinks I need to be nicer to him; and stop nagging him. He also said he doesn’t want to be with me at the moment. I was taken aback but told him that I don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t want to be with me, and he is welcome to leave if he wants to. I’m at a loss of what to do. I love him and before this he was always kind and caring but I genuinely feel like I don’t know him anymore.

This basically, OP. Very much this.

That said, all of this is sounds like one hell of an unhappy relationship which is not good for your well-being, nor for your baby's well-being. For that reason, I suggest relationship counselling immediately so you can start communicating better and get on top of this problem before it festers. If he's not willing to, then I'd be reconsidering the relationship.

I had some blood transfusions and an iron transfusion before leaving hospital and they were happy with my bloods before I left, I took iron tablets for a month afterwards but to be honest I haven’t since. Perhaps I need to, it wasn’t something I’d considered. Yes, she’ll be six months old. I’m going back on reduced hours so 9-3 a day Monday - Friday. I’m currently combination feeding but she only really breastfeeds at night and is happy to take a bottle when my husband has his night. I really hope so vis a vis the sleep - shes ok ish at night, wakes crying and wants a feed and a cuddle but then she goes back to sleep easily enough but day time naps are difficult. She will usually only sleep in the pram or car though she’s getting better at having naps in her cot. I totally agree about not making any rash decisions, I just feel as though my husband has one foot out the door already. From the conversation we had it seems like he’s genuinely considering separating.

Sadly, it sounds like he wants to remain an only child forever and isn’t willing to share or be treated like anything other than the absolute one and only prince he thinks he is.