Do opposites attract? Really?

[SaneDiamond]

MNers I would be grateful for your opinion on the early stages of my relationship and whether this is worth the effort.

I met DP earlier this year and we have been a bit on and off because of distance and other obligations such as travel. The logistics are working themselves out now and it’s a bit of a crunch time for committing (or not). I have a massive crush on him - very sexy, very fit - and he is the best for handholding and walking arm-in-arm.

But in lots of ways our hobbies and interests do not line up. He is very into sport and I just can’t care. He is interested in physical endeavour in general - whereas I look at people trekking to the North Pole and feel sorry for their spouses. He doesn’t read novels.

How much does all of this matter? I am late forties, he is early fifties - there isn’t an army of eligible people we would otherwise match with. Should I still go all in?

It matters. You'll be sat at home resentful while he's off training for a long distance event. Opposites attract if you're a magnet, otherwise they are known as fundamental differences.

Why do you need to go all in? Can't you just date him and enjoy the crush? If it doesn't work it doesn't work.

I think it depends on whether you do have other things in common, or not, and whether you like the person or like the idea of the person.

My husband & I in some ways are opposites, he is really into the football whereas I’m not bothered about it at all, I read a lot and love my Kindle whereas he would never really choose to pick up a book and read. But the flip side is we both enjoy running/the gym, we both love our hiking trips with our dog, we both love going to the cinema & trying out new restaurants together, we both love playing games. So we still have plenty of things to do and enjoy together enough so that the things we are opposites on don’t matter and provide us both with just something for ourselves. If we had no hobbies or interests in common though it would be a no go for me.

Very sexy/fit and likes hand holding doesn’t sound like the strongest of foundations to build a relationship on, to be honest. Looks fade or change and aren’t enough to keep you going if you’re never happy together or having fun/spending time together.

It depends. If you’re going to resent the time be soends on his sports then it won’t work. If you’re happy to have that time for your interests then that’s great.

not different interests as such but I am rather extrovert and love spending time with people and will happily chat to strangers. DP is introverted and needs alone time - so I head out with my friends and do my own thing. It works for us.

I think shared values and relationship goals are more important than lots of shared interests. As long as there’s compromise and communication so hobbies don’t take over one partners life then having time apart doing something you enjoy is really healthy.
As long as you have things you both enjoy doing together and prioritise these of course.

Yes opposites attract.
But there's a lot of qualities you should be prioritising over attraction if you are looking for a long term relationship.

Hmmm...tough one! Whilst it is true that opposites can attract, sometimes the polarity is so skewed that it can, in reality, never work. Agree with @Brightbluesomething that shared values and goals are fundamental and SOME shared interests are a positive - sadly I am finding that my partner and I are just too opposite to ever work, the cracks are widening and, much as we have both tried to make it work, it isn't going to!

Not only are our lifestyles, priorities and interests completely different, but our attitudes to standards of education, what constitutes acceptable behaviours, leisure pursuits, communication techniques - just about everything really - and, after three and a half years, we just seem to be bumbling along without making any headway. It is time for us to go our seperate ways as kindly, gently and harmoniously as we can.

So, yes, I would say that it does matter, it matters a very great deal and, if you are questioning things now, at such an early stage, clearly there is real doubt in your mind...