Colleagues having affair

[hedgehogsinthehedgerow]

I know it's none of my business but one of my colleagues (20s) told me she's been having an affair with the boss (50s) for years. He's married with kids and had seemed really nice. She's getting favourable treatment. My other colleagues have no idea.
I'm self-employed so have no employment rights or HR or anything. Very few other jobs right now so it's not like I can move. It just feels really difficult as a situation to be in and upsetting to think of his poor family. It could harm my career as he's been frosty with me since she told me. It's made my workplace awkward and I really wish I didn't know. Anyone else been in this type of situation? TIA

Similar but totally different

Check what the company policy is on personal relationships. I expect that he should have at least reported it to HR. He’s clearly abusing his position so I’d be tempted to report it, but you may need some form of evidence in case younger colleagues denies it. I expect that you can report it confidently and/or ask for advice from HR, even if you aren’t employed by them.

This is really shit op. No advise sorry. He's done this before.

Thanks, it has helped to write it down here. I really don't like the feeling of being stuck with someone else's secret and feel like it has made me act more distant from my other colleagues. I think he is abusing his position. Maybe it will come out eventually.

Thanks MidnightMeltdown but it's a small business with no HR

If she has been having an affair with him for years I wonder why your colleague has now decided to share that information with you?
If she has told you then it's very possible she has , or will, share this information with others. Perhaps the affair is coming to a crisis point.

How are you self employed but still have a boss? Is it a hair salon or similar?

Whenthetimeisright I hadn't thought of that. That's true perhaps it is.

They all probably know Whenthetimeisright

Tell his wife, she deserves to know.

NorthernGirl1975 that type of a set up. Best not to go into specifics but there isn't much work now because of cost of living and before this situation I have been happy there.

I agree with you Okrr but I don't know the wife.

I imagine everyone knows if she has told you and it’s been going on for so long.

You can either leave because you feel uncomfortable, although sadly run the risk of another place also having similar or else you can tell her that you aren’t interested and not discuss it further. If he thinks you aren’t inclined to get involved or gossip about it, then he’s probably less likely to carry on being frosty towards you (assuming you are right about that being the reason behind it).

deirdrerasheed I don't think other people do know. Although of course it's possible. I know there's nothing I can do. Just wondered if others had been through this type of thing what happened. Either way it could blow up I suppose and make the workplace worse. Or rumble on for more years.

FuzzyWolf thanks yes that's all I can do. You're right it could happen in other places. I can only keep looking for something else now, or just put up with it.

Everybody knows. People aren't daft and can sniff out workplace shenanigans at a hundred paces.

Just don't say anything to anyone else whatever you do. Keep completely out of it. In any case, she might think he fancies you and she's warning you (and him) off.

I can almost guarantee that they already know. Whenever it has happened at places I have worked, even though the people involved think they are being subtle, we all knew. If I were you, I would do nothing about it at all. Just get on with your job.

I’ve been in this situation a couple of times and knew the wives, who were both lovely.

My advice would be to stay right out of it. As horrible as it is, it’s not your business.

Maintain professional relationships with boss and colleague, you don’t need to be friends with them. Just keep out of it and get on with your job. Apart from anything else, you have no idea whether it’s even true. And why would your colleague go back to her affair partner and say “oh, by the way, I told hedgehogs we were having an affair” to give him reason to be frosty with you? It doesn’t make any sense.

If it's going on for ages and she's told you, she'll likely have told other people. The frostiness from him is hopefully temporary (why on earth did she tell him she told you??)

Beyond that just put it out of your mind. I can see you are worried it will impact on you, but it may very well not. Beyond that there is no drama.

Thanks as all these replies have helped me. I just wish she'd not told me and yes I wish she'd not then told him she had done! Immaturity probably. Or as people have said, she may want it to come out now. Maybe I had been overthinking it e.g. what to say to colleagues if/when it blew up. With any luck I will be able to find something else anyway before that as I've seen a new side to the boss I don't like and just feel quite uncomfortable there now as a result of all this.

If she's told you then she definitely wants it to come out. I'd suspect she's trying to push him to leave the wife and fulfil the promises he's been making to her for years.

It'll come out at some point.

If his wife isn’t involved with the business and none of you know her, if it goes tits up then surely all that’s going to happen is your colleague who’s having the affair is the one dealing with the fallout or having to find a new job because she doesn’t want to deal with the awkwardness. I can’t see how it would really impact anyone else working there, and I wouldn’t overthink it, why would you have to say anything to other colleagues about something that you have no involvement in? By all means look for other jobs, and just tell your colleague you aren’t interested in discussing her sex life if she tries to talk with you about it again.

Its their business not yours
so dont interfere,

Truthfully, I'd just crack on with the job I was being paid to do and forget about what others are doing with their private life.