Eversince we got married we’ve had problems in our marriage (5 years). In my opinion it wasn’t solely my fault, I was usually giving reaction to things I didn’t like, sometimes I couldn’t show reaction straight away and I withdrew partly due to my character and partly the fact that I live with the inlaws and I didn’t want them to see us argue. He doomed these arguments as too frequent and not normal and at every argument the option of separation was something on the table and over the years this kinda created a sense of insecurity in our marriage. Since I got a kid I had to stay at home, and he was earning and tryna do savings so he can retire early and spend time with us in a comfortable state. Which is lovely since his building a future for us. However problem is that, since divorce is spoken about so frequently at most arguments I now feel vulnerable. We had a recent topic where I asked what happens of we divorce since his doing investment abroad under his name and I’m at home earning jack.
HE SAID ‘I can do investments because I earn well above avarage, you’re not working everyone would love to have your lifestyle but you’re not appreciating, if you got married to someone with minimum or average wage you guys wouldn’t even be talking investments, you’d had to work and support the family probably or not work still but wouldn’t be as relaxed, if you want investment you need to do it with your own money’.
So I started looking for jobs hardcore and planning to work full time once my kid starts nursery. Then few days later I told him I’ll put the money to join savings account so we can do investments together and I need to spend money I will still do so accordingly and also once I start working you need to help with house duties, btw he starts work really early and he never expected me to wake up and do him breakfast before. After telling him about house duties he said;
Keep your money and do your own investments, but since Im gonna be also doing house work I expect money from you for the rent and bills etc. And since you’re also working full time, we need to go halves in after school clubs etc. And since I made the condition that if I work he needs to help with house duties, as a counter condition he said; since you’re not working right now, I expect you do wake up and do me breakfast every, I want dessert every and bla bla.
He usually doesn’t let me spend on things I want unless they’re extreme necessity, so I told him, if Im going halves with you when I’m working, then as a house wife I should be able to spend as how I wish since now I’m doing everything 100% alone eg I don’t have to now try worry about saving money eg to do facials etc and he said, if I’m paying for facials then I need to make saving from something else eg we wouldn’t go on holidays anymore.
So these seem like a fair point but still disappointing and disturbing since my offer came from a place of insecurity and response kinda did back up my points and pushed me more to the dead end. It wasn’t like I wanted investments under my name at the beginning or anything, I just didn’t want to be in a marriage entertaining someone until it goes down and I am left with nothing. Because working with a child then going in halves then also tryna invest from that money and also spend from that money defeats the purpose of why I wanted to work in the first place. Doesn’t that sense of insecurity and vulnerability grow bigger with all these added elements just because I asked for support in the house.