What’s it called?

[BB333]

In this world of phrases like gas lighting etc. I was wondering if there is a phrase to explain this type of behaviour- (apart from d*k h*d)

you’re listening to the radio in the car, a song you love comes on, you say “oo I love this song” they then immediately turn down/off the radio so that they can call their mum. Something which they’ve had all day to do.

you finally sit down for the day. The other person is busy. So you sit down to watch a programme that you like, but they hate. As soon as you do they decide they’re not busy anymore and want to sit and watch tv, but only something they want to watch.

any suggestions on how to label the above?

“Arsehole” covers it. Dump

Informally known as a twat.
Formal diagnosis Grade A Cunt.

Just attention seeking. Can’t stand you not focussing on them.

It doesn't need a label. Bin!!

Spiteful
Mean-spirited
Unkind

Absolutely this.

You know you don't have to put up with this shit right @BB333?

My ex would do stuff like this. If we were out in the car and he was driving he'd deliberately drive past places we'd agreed to go to because he'd "changed his mind". If I protested he'd cause an argument.

Moving the goalposts on things he knew were important to me and if I got upset he called me demanding, entitled, selfish and high maintenance.

Controling and trying to get a ride out of you.

What happens if you say anything?

He’s a prick. Call him out on it every time until it stops or leave him. That’s not what someone who cares about you does.

Thanks all. I wanted to know what the word for it was because I fully intent to have it out with him AND his family who think the sun shines out of his backside.
its our dd christening soon, and although i wont make a scene obviously, i certainly will be making comments to his parents and brothers.
i think his dad knows what he’s like as he’s made comments to me in the past like “he can be so ridiculous sometimes”.

partners been on his own for 20 years before he met me so think he struggles not having things his own way. Also he’s the youngest of 4 boys so is a mummy’s boy. So none of these things help with his behaviour. But he’s also over 45 and needs to stop acting like a child and realise that other people exist too.

im fed of hearing from his family “how lucky I am to be with him” “how wonderful he is”.

bollox, he’s lucky to be with me. Fed up of it now. Again, won’t be spoiling our dd’s day, but I’m not about to pretend he’s not a massive man child.

Narcissist is the word you are looking for.

Sounds very similar to exDP who was the absolute apple of his mum's eye and absolutely spoilt rotten as a child. She was totally open about the fact that she preferred him to her other DCs.

You need to be careful OP. I ended up in a domestic abuse situation, which started when DC1 was 9 weeks old. This was the point exDP realised he was no longer the centre of attention for the first time in his life.

DP sort of does this but over the silliest of things- he’ll complain that the portions I make him are too big and I’ll make him fat/end up wasting food/spending too much on the food shop. so I reduce the amount. He’ll then complain that I’ve not given him enough.
again very silly things- I was buying 15% fat beef as it’s cheaper, he says he wants 5%, so I buy 5% but then he complains about the cost. So I buy 5% pork to save money and get him the % he wants……. Nope doesn’t like that either. I simply cannot do right for doing wrong.

He’s being deliberately abusive to you.

He’s giving you the run around to enforce his power and control. Like a cat playing with a mouse. He is quietly terrorising you.

Call him out on it calmly and make plans to leave.

Most abuse starts at key points - when a couple move in together, or when they marry or when they have a child.

Please don’t say anything to his family. They will always be on his side - even his DF.

With that background - he’s entrenched in his behaviours. He won’t change. Your DD needs at least one balanced parent - he can’t be that and neither can you if you stay with him as he will undermine you and rob you of your self esteem.

He has unresolved mummy issues - he is emotionally smothered by her and full of contempt for her but he punishes you. He’s probably not aware of his Mummy issues as he is so enmeshed.

Red flag the family saying how great he is (a 45 year old who never left home!!??) - they are delighted to have off loaded him give their parents some peace in their later years.

Do not trust his family.

Be careful

narcissistic traits here

if u piss off / challenge a narcissist-
you are in for a narcissistic assault

they can be quite controlled, as in not impulsive, they can wait until they know you are really vulnerable and attack - verbally, physically whatever

be especially wary of challenging the narcissist in public - such as your plan to call him out to his family -

a public shaming is likely to trigger anger and aggression towards you -

it’s highly risky to public shame a narcissist-

i would advise, stepping away quietly and carefully …

you cannot have a healthy relationship with a narcissist-

they are top dog at all cost
and you are the minion - like it or lump it at your peril

Controlling, contrary, confrontational arsehole seems to sum it up pretty well.

Nasty, dangerous behaviour. The kind of behaviour that ramps up. Like the boiling frog analogy.

You are nothing more than a pawn in his theatre of life. He cares nothing for you. You are merely a plaything to this bullying narcissistic piece of shit.

Get out while you can, and don't hesitate to report to the police.

I had one of these as a parent unfortunately, nasty, spiteful, mean-minded excuse for a man. He actively looks for ways to inconvenience or delay people and the kick he gets from it is written all over his face. It's a power thing I think, it makes him feel big and important in his miserable, insignificant little world. Sad really, imagine being so hateful inside that your main pleasure in life is inconveniencing or upsetting the people you're supposed to love 🤷🏻‍♀️

Best advice I can give you is don't bother calling it out (what's the point, especially to his family and especially on your DD's special day?), just quietly get your ducks in a row and get the hell away from him, he's not capable of any sort of healthy relationship.

Try asking Brenda and Frank on ChatGPT. It's truly eye opening, having partner's behaviour analysed and they will give you names for the behaviour.

Edited because I've just put what you said about the radio, in to Brenda and Frank and part of what it came back with is this "This is a very common micro-control tactic among narcissistic and emotionally abusive men. It looks so small that outsiders might laugh it off — “he just turned the radio down, don’t overthink it.” But that plausible deniability is part of its function. He can act innocent while still training you to associate your joy with his rejection.
Notice also: he doesn’t need to shout, doesn’t need to argue. He just uses the environment (the radio) as a tool to make you feel insignificant. That’s efficient control."

Why are you with this person?

Why would you waste your time having it out with him?

Would you waste your energy telling a lion it's a lion and it's chewing on your leg?

Just leave him. Stop spending your life on the merry go round of explaining why an asshole is an asshole to an asshole.

He knows!
He just does want you to know he knows because part of the whole thing is to drive you crazy.

Just get the fuck away from him

Have a word with yourself love. She is the one that needs to be told NO. 'No, we do not reason with lions. We get away from them'.

@dizzydizzydizzy 9 weeks!

So sorry this happened to you. I hope you are ok now.

Awww thank you! Yes I’m fine now.