How to get over this relationship?

[Eesha]

Just looking for tips really. My ex and I split up a few months ago. No cheating, just that I had kids and he didnt want that life where he wasn't seeing me all the time. I know its the right thing but my god we were so good together and I felt amazing with him. I feel like ill never feel that way again and Im just trying to be ok. What do you all do to get over someone? Its much harder than with my kids dad as he was pretty awful, but this man, I loved him so much. I have loads of friends, kids are great. Its just a sadness inside that I want to disappear.

Time is the only thing which will help the pain soften. It may never disappear.

Get yourself out doors every single day, see friends and family, create new connections, take the kids places you’ve never been before, seek out new adventures, go swimming, eat healthier. You get my drift?

Recovery is not a straight line. There will be bad days and even worse days. Some days you will hardly think of him, others he’ll be first thought on waking and last thought before sleep.
You’ll get there but grief, for it is a kind of bereavement, cannot be hurried. It’s the pits. Give it time.
Dont ask me how I know. 💐💔

If he loved you then you having children wouldn't of been an issue.
My step dad wasn't keen on moving forward with my mum because of me but as feelings grew he took me on
Try the book I can mend your broken heart by paul mckenna with the download
Also try to reframe it,why did he get involved with someone with children and then play with their heart, try to get a little angry

It's unfair to say that if he loved you the kids wouldn't be an issue. He's realistic about his limitations.
It's ok to be hurt. It's ok to grieve. Park him and his interests and the life you could have had in a box that you can open later on. For now get through the day to day.

He shouldn't of got involved x

@Merseymum1980 I think the reality of dating a parent was too much because he realised he wanted someone there all the time. I understand that, people are allowed to change their mind. I just want to forget all the great times we had, luckily my mind is terrible! But on one hand I feel I should get dating again, on the other, im just numb inside. I dont want to waste years sad over this

@Eeshanothing but sympathies to add I’m in the same position. When push came to shove he couldn’t do it and live the parent life again (his kids just finishing childhood). He has other things he wants to do.
I also am feeling similar in that when I split with my husband the relationship was bad so there was some relief. Now I’m just like I found the perfect guy we had this great year together and poof he’s gone :-(

Give yourself time and keep busy, don't give yourself time to dwell on it. Remind yourself that he's not the one - if he was, he'd be willing to accommodate the fact that you have children.

@Landy10 im sorry you are in the same boat, hopefully we both get some good advice here! I have been throwing myself into work and friendships, home stuff. The children are happy. But inside, I feel like that specific joy which id almost grown addicted to, has disappeared. Not sure if you feel this way but I feel like it was meant to be my time to be happy!

@Endofyear I hear you, though I do wonder whether that person does exist for me, and also with that same chemistry. I havent dated tons but enough to know this was different. So its strange going on the apps again and starting again but I think its too easy for years to pass by if I take time out.

I’m going through this right now. A few days in and it’s the worst. He’s 15 years younger than me, I’ve got kids he hasn’t, says he loves me and would do anything for me. But I had to end it as I don’t want more kids, can’t offer him the attention he deserves as I’m still living with ex, he even said he’s patient and would wait for when kids are older for us to be fully together. I couldn’t do that to him. He’s 30 and has the chance to meet someone better suited and potentially have kids with.
I had a drunken night out last night and called him, messaged him. Told him I want him etc…now I have to damage control and just delete his number, block him so I can stop messing with his head.

Still can't get over him

Did you get the book and use the audio download?
Have you also tried some exercise every day? X

I understand when there’s a big age difference like a previous poster then yes you might end it if it’s not so right for someone. But sometimes I think how easy do they think it is to find someone new? - where are all these great new partners that are so easy to find which means that you don’t have to appreciate and value what you have right now with someone and make some adjustments to your expectations in life and make a go of it? I’m always surprised by this and I feel I would make so many adjustments for someone I loved and I clicked with. I’d feel some anger on your behalf. You can’t have everything you want in a relationship can you? It seems such a self serving attitude to have in life.

@User2025meow Im not really angry, I think he wanted something very uncomplicated in his eyes, where the other person has no other commitments, and he wanted a plan for the future. But I had children who I didn't want to disrupt, and I enjoyed what we had together. I thought by slowly doing things together, that meant commitment. I was a good partner too but i felt like i was splitting myself in half. But he wanted much more. Our needs didnt marry up.