Why has ex not returned my item?

[Lipsticklover22]

I was in a 'situationship' for 3 months which I ended due to his lack of enthusiasm to progress things to a relationship. If it matters we are both in our middle thirties. Things were going well before but we had a couple of conversations where I asked 'where is this going?' and his response was a bit lukewarm to me (using excuses such as work stress) so I ended things for this reason.

He said he hadn't wanted the break off to happen, was surprised I wanted to end things as he felt we'd been good, but that he respected my decision. Then he went no contact and it has been that way for 4 months. I haven't reached out to him either.

The weekend before I broke things off, I had stayed at his place as usual and after I left he messaged to tell me he had found my lipstick down the side of the sofa. One I had been missing for a few weeks before. I was so pleased and asked that he'd keep it safe for me which he said he would. I was thinking about the lipstick earlier and how it's annoying I never got it back as it's one that seems to have been discontinued and it made me wonder why he never got in touch to return it to me after, or why he didn't just post it to me.

It's likely gone in the bin now anyway so not worth breaking no contact for it, I just wondered why someone wouldn't return someones belongings when I had asked that he keep it safe for me.

I mean, I wouldn't keep an ex's cosmetics safe or bother posting them either. If he's not that fussed about you then he's definitely not going to go to the effort of posting a lipstick back. I thought you were going to say he had a high value item!

This. I wouldn’t expect a short term ex to return a lipstick post-dumping😂

I wouldn’t expect an ex to try and give a lipstick back, I think it was more up to you to collect it, I wouldn’t have bothered though. The only time I’ve in touch with an ex for belongings is when he left something sentimental to him at mine, otherwise if they don’t collect it gets binned.

Probably because it’s just a lipstick so imagine he’d have just chucked it out.

The onus would have been on you to pick it up

Left a whole bag at my (since last night) exs. Hoping he just bins it and gets rid. Feels weird having my stuff at his! He's defo binned your lipstick x

Its only a lipstick.

It's likely gone in the bin now anyway so not worth breaking no contact for it, I just wondered why someone wouldn't return someones belongings when I had asked that he keep it safe for me.

I'd expect someone who asked me to keep an item safe for them to arrange collection of said item, I wouldn't be posting it to them.

If all you said was “keep it safe for me”, why would you think he would do anything except keep it there?

Weird. I thought it was going to be an important keepsake, or a coat, or something. Not a lipstick that fell down the back of the sofa 😆

It seems like you're looking for a way to keep connected to him. You're going to message him about it, aren't you?

So you tried to turn your situationship into a relationship and he was not into that.

He was probably testing the waters to see if he could get a shag out of you when he messaged. |He doesn't give a fuck about your lipstick.

If you really wanted it back you could have sent him an stamped addressed envelope. But what you really wanted was him and his commitment. He realised this and ghosted you again 'cause that's not what he wants or signed up for.

A lipstick, few people would think to return. I made sure I got my new top back that I left on the floor of my situationship’s house before I ended it. Though i’d have got it back anyway as I work in same place as him. He wouldn’t have got in touch to arrange to return it I don’t think, and i’d only worn it twice. A lipstick i’d have let go in the bin.

But you asked him to keep it safe, not return it. I expect he was thinking you would want to collect it.

Did you actually ask him to post it to you? Id say the onus on you is to collect it.

For those saying it is only a lipstick, they can be expensive. The ones I buy are about £30 and if a discontinued one was lost, I'd want it back. I would facilitate this myself though.

You asked him to keep it safe before you then broke it off. He respected your wishes not to be in touch after you ended it. The lipstick is long forgotten.

I agree with @RuttleTuttle that you’re looking for an excuse to contact him. I think you posted a few times going over the situation after you ended it, saying he’d ghosted you when he was respecting your decision. This is the same thing - he didn’t message about the lipstick because you broke up between him finding it and you collecting it.

He kept it safe. Presumed you’d be round at the weekend to collect it Presumably you didnt?

What were your plans to pick it up? Did you expect him to post it? Did you ask or communicate again.

Communication breakdown your end. He may still have it in a drawer or something. If you want it ask him.

Why would he bother? You said he wasn't fussed about you when you were together so he's hardly going to start buying stamps and envelopes and getting your address and posting things to you. Especially If you went no contact.

I had to leave nearly all my household possessions in my (ex) flat with an abusive ex who refused to leave. I lost my bed, bedding, cushions, my artwork, my furniture, crockery, white goods. But I got away with my life.

Be thankful it was just a lipstick.

The only logical explanation is he sits and does his lipstick silence of the lambs style.

This is not a reason to contact him when you’ve been separated for longer than you were together. If a lipstick is that precious look after it better in future.

Yes as someone mentioned, it wasn't a cheap one and it's one I really loved so have missed it really. I would have got it back from him next time I saw him but because we had a bust up and I ended things, I never saw him again, well because he went no contact

It just feels like another incidence of disrespect that he never cared enough to pop it through my letterbox or something when I had told him to look after it as it was one of my favourites. He would have had time over the summer as he was off for a few weeks.

Shame I did'nt get it back

Because you asked him to keep it safe. It was on YOU to go fetch it. Keeping it safe is not the same as posting it.

he could just as easily be on here asking why his ex-situationship asked him to hold on to something safely but never bothered to go collect it

it really isn’t that deep.

Shame you could be arsed to go collect it

You split with him though? Why on earth would he go out of his way to ‘pop it through the letterbox’?!!

You should have gone around to get it , everyone on this thread realises that ! I left a water bottle at an exs once, quite liked it , so a simple text to say could leave in doorstep at 5pm & I’ll pick it up ? Thanks .
the water bottle and i were reunited !

Keep it safe, doesn’t mean post it.

And why would you expect someone you’ve dumped to do the legwork and put it through your postbox.

If you liked it so much you should have gone back for it.