Guilt

[User6753]

Some years ago I hired an escort. I did so directly and she is very open about her work - she discusses it on social media channels. She screened me before we met and I asked if she was comfortable when we did. She said afterwards she would be happy to see me again and was comfortable throughout.

I was in a very dark place with grief over the death of my dad, the collapse of my mum's mental health, stress at work. I understand that this is no excuse, however

It is something that haunts me to this day. I don't feel I will ever move past the guilt I feel that I engaged in something exploitative. It really didn't occur to me at the time, but It left me feeling so overwhelmed with guilt after I read up on the subject.

It's unlikely I will date again but if I do, how can I possibly explain this?

Oh don’t be such a drama queen!

it happened years ago. She’ll have forgotten about it. Just move on

And when you say escort,‘I presume you mean prostitute? You paid her for sex?

Do you have to tell future partners? As long as you’re screened to make sure you’ve got no STIs then does it hurt to keep this a secret forever? It’s not like you killed someone. You know you did something wrong and have clearly paid the price through tormenting yourself over it. You can’t change the past - I’d let it go and forgive yourself.

I did yes

Ok so not an escort
A prostitute

i mean, yes - it’s gross. However it was years ago. So let it go.!

I think there's a big difference between someone who did something exploitative and thinks it's fine, and someone who did something exploitative and realised it was wrong, researched the topic more and now truly regrets what they did.

Indeed a woman could count herself fortunate that you are now a conscience man with a strong moral compass. We all make mistakes in our youth, but you have learned from it and will never do it again. Certainly don't mention it in a new relationship. You're giving yourself too much of a hard time. Move forwards positively.

Thank you for your thoughtful responses. This is something I will never truly forgive myself for. But I guess you are right about trying to move on