Hi everyone,
First of all thank you in advance for any replies.
So here's my situation. I've been seeing what I thought was the most amazing girl since January. Does the same as me and we met over the garden wall, a long time ago but didn't start dating until this January.
May I point out which is a big factor here. In the December she kicked her husband out. A twenty year marriage to an abuser, not physically but mentally. Totally wore her down.
Anyway it has just gone from strength to strength. All her friends say how happy she now looks. She's written me some beautiful cards and I've had some nice gifts. Surprised her at the airport in April when she flew back from a yoga holiday. She says I'm here everything and the best thing that's happened to her, tells me she loves me. I took her so many places she'd never been.
Nearly four weeks ago she gets a train to Gatwick, to attend a wedding in Bulgaria. Where she's from. I house sat for her whilst she was away and looked after the animals.
The Monday just gone we were due to go on a roadtrip around the Scottish Highlands, which we'd been planning for ages. She was so excited. Two weeks tomorrow I go round like I usually would on a Saturday (week before she's a little quiet and anxious about the trip). She says I need to tell you something, which is totally out of the blue. She says she can't come to Scotland and needs time and space, all happening too fast. I said is there another guy. She said she met an older guy on that train up to Gatwick airport and they exchanged numbers!!!! I was immensely hurt and shocked. We were due to go to one of her friends 50th that evening, for some reason I went. She wanted me to. I stayed that night. She broke down into tears about what she'd done, I just held her. We had an incredible night of sex.
Talked more on the Sunday, she was ashamed you could tell. But the fact she'd been messaging this guy for over two weeks before telling me about it hurt a lot. Had they arranged to meet? She then says she wants to come to Scotland, I told her I'd still go on my own. I said if you're coming you can't be messaging that guy. She understood completely and deleted his details. Stayed the Sunday night also.
In the aftermath of all this I remember her trying to justify her actions saying she isn't tied to me as we aren't married. But many times referred to me as my partner.
The week after that weekend starts. She's in a real muddled headspace not knowing what she wants anymore. Saying she loves me and I'm the best thing in her life. On that weekend saying how she doesn't want to let me go. I tell her you can't have your cake and eat it to! I never shouted at her. I was firm and annoyed and told her she'd fucked up and if she steps out of line again we're done.
So on the Monday of the weekend we're working in the gardens we met in. I leave for my next job. She's then messaging saying I seemed a bit off, telling me to get my dodgy tooth sorted if I'm in pain. Don't reply to either, she sends another saying 'babe?' Don't respond. I reply later saying hi and it was just a busy afternoon. She wanted to chat that Monday evening and we did, it was nice. Messages me on the Tuesday morning saying so nice to talk to you last night and did I want to meet her Bulgarian friends that evening, then saying love you darling. I met her friends and it was great. She pointed out how it was important and meaningful for her that I'd met them. Stayed that Tuesday night as well. Wednesday morning she's saying how she's nearly fifty lived half her life, would like time for her. Says she's never had the chance to do things for her, I get that. We say bye on Wednesday morning.
So with regards to the Scottish trip we didn't go. She was anxious about being away for ten days, being a long way from home, her dog not settling in my van. He is a mental dog.🤣 So we amended the trip to a couple nights in a log cabin in Wales. But on the Thursday she sent the needing some time and space mess. Says her divorce papers have arrived and it's time to do what's best for me. How she expressed her worries and concerns about space, which she never did before that Saturday.
I was shocked and upset but also kinda prempted this message. My friends she wants you to chase and beg for her back. I didn't, went silent until Saturday. Replied then with this.......
Hey . I wanted some time to think before replying. I'd prempted this happening after what you told me on Saturday, it's ok and I get it. We never needed to go away, or for things to move as quickly as they did. I thought everything was ok, was no reason before Saturday to think otherwise with your kind words and actions. You could've talked to me and we'd of worked all this out. I am understanding of your needs but appreciate you have a lot going round in your head. If you wanted to get that coffee when you're ready, then that would be nice? Wouldn't mind getting my Austin Powers jacket! Take care and try to stay to dry today!
She wrote back straight away with this........
Hi ! There’s lots of reasons I felt that I need space and time and I am grateful for having you in my life. There was pressure on me from you about the holidays and I was exited but also anxious and I needed to decide for myself what is best this time nobody else. The things going on are not just in my head they are reality and I am dealing it in my own way and will take as long as I need. Let me know when you’re around I can leave your jacket in the porch. Don’t be a stranger and avoid me there’s no need. Take care and hopefully will catch up at some point.
I just sent another small understanding one back. She said thank you, I replied with you're welcome it's forgotten. I've come away and not messaged her.
May I point out she's also hit the menopause. I'll see her this coming Monday in those same gardens. Does it sound like it's completely over?? I'm more than happy to give her some time. I have shown I'm understanding of her needs.
She clearly has been overwhelmed going from a shit marriage into a loving relationship, without anytime to think about what she wants in life.
She did say getting that guys number wasn't the best idea. But she still shouldn't have done it. Seeking validation and attention maybe?
Would really appreciate some advice.
Thanks