Fair division of labour in marriage?

[ThatOchreQuoter]

Can I please have some advice on what would be a fair split of household and parenting responsibilities. A little context:

Wife:
Works 2.5 days a week Mon-Wed (office job)
Looks after 1 year old on the other days solely until they’re asleep (and when they wake during the night)
Currently 12 weeks pregnant and tired

Husband:
Works 5 days per week Mon-Fri and occasional Saturday but will get a day off during the week (office job)
Often works late and comes home between 7.30pm-9.30pm but doesn’t need to leave the house too early

Nowadays if you have children pretty annoying if both can't drive.

Sorry - I’m not sure I understand? We can both drive.

I'd look at it from the other direction, ie you both should have the same amount of 'downtime'. And if only one of you is regularly missing sleep, that should be taken account of (with weekend lie-ins for example).

Me and DH work the same hours, thereabouts. And we tend to have our 'own' chores, and things we do together / whoever gets to it first. We agree a time by which we'll 'sit down' in the evening, and plan our jobs around that. We have similar time for hobbies / rest / meeting friends.

If one of us spends the weekend on DIY while the other is away with friends, we don't keep a tally, but we know it will balance out in the end.

It helps if both want to pull their weight and so there is no resentment. Because of that, noone is keeping a tally and we both know the other is doing their best. We encourage each other to have a night off oran early night if it's needed.

If one person is regularly purusing a hobby or out with friends while the other doesn't have time for either, something is wrong. If one is still cleaning at 9pm while the other has been watching TV for 2 hours, there's something wrong.

If you’re not happy with the split and you’re exhausted then talk to himself he’s probably exhausted too as he is working long hours.

IME it’s hard for a man to understand how tiring and disruptive it is having a baby at home - you can’t just park the child and get on with chores or sleep uninterrupted. It needs spelling out.

it nearly broke me having dd1, working 30 hours a week when she was a year old! Being pregnant again would have probably destroyed me at that point.

talk to him, it’s the best way - not moaning but a frank “I’m at the edge of coping , are you feeling the same”