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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling extremely uneasy with ex husbands gf behavior

13 replies

Glitterbug21 · 18/09/2025 09:35

I apologise in advance if this is long I will try to be as to the point as I can.

my ex husband and I split roughly 3 years ago after 13 years together and 2 children 10-boy 13-girl. I wanted to leave the relationship due to extreme financial and coercive abuse but I was stuck as his parents owned our home and I was a SAHM who had had all my savings drained with nowhere to go. Eventually he had an affair with a friend of mine kicked the kids and I out, and moved her in. The 2 yrs after that she had me blocked on everything and he continued to be abusive trying to control me financially and sending me abusive messages, bullying me at pick up. After about 2 yrs the gf asked me to meet her for a chat where I was able to provide evidence of the abuse and let her know whilst she was living in our former family home the kids and I were chucked in a hostel. She apparently had no idea, although I question that. I also told her all abuse was being documented. Authorities knew I was meeting with her and if any further abuse happens it will be documented on and acted upon. Thankfully it stopped.

also worth mentioning that by surprise I met my new partner very quickly after the break up We have had a baby of our own and my ex made my pregnancy hell with the above types of abuse. But since having my baby, it has stopped completely. I think the warning of consequence paid off.

however since then the gf has been messaging me say, once a week? The first time she messaged me I responded because I felt bad for her. She was upset because of some unflattering photos at an event and we all know how that feels so I took pity and comforted her. Since then she has tried to make conversation, sent photos of things she is doing and asked to meet up. She is extremely eager to be my friend to a point it feels unsettling. She is also buying my teenage daughter lavish gifts and things she loves to the point even my daughter is like,hmmmm something is up.

I have also noticed friends and work colleges of the gf popping up on my socials which leads me to believe I’m obviously a topic of discussion.

the new gf has also started extremely photoshopping herself into an entirely different person on her socials (I don’t really look I just see her photos of her or my ex contact me) friends have pointed out her face online is resembling mine even though she looks nothing like me in real life.

as mentioned, before the affair this girl was a friend of mine, we weren’t overly close because she often sadly admitted jealously of me, she loved my home, my style, my confidence. One night stands out when she turned up at mine to go out and got upset because she felt rubbish next to me. It was very awkward and not a good feeling for me either. This jealous behavior ultimately lead me to keep her at arms length but she never seemed nasty.

I don’t know what else this woman wants from me. She’s with my ex, she lives in my old house, I leave them alone and don’t interfere and have moved on with my own life.

her persistence to be my friends and her friends watching my socials is making me feel uneasy. I have no evidence to prove she has any malicious intentions but my gut feeling is feeling afraid. I don’t think she would physically hurt me but I feel like she may do something. I just don’t know what.

i haven’t voiced this to anyone accept my partner and friends but my 13 yr old has now limited her own contact with her dad because she to feels off.

I know blocking her and even her associates would be the answer, but I fear doing that could actually make things worse.

has anyone dealt with this before?! I feel so alone and when I try to talk about it with friends I feel like I’m coming off as crazy, not that they have made me feel that way but I don’t know it all just seems a bit far fetched!

OP posts:
Endofyear · 18/09/2025 09:50

Why are you continuing to have contact with this woman? You're under no obligation to have anything to do with her. Just block her and her friends. You have a new relationship and a baby, move on with your life and leave the past behind you.

Glitterbug21 · 18/09/2025 10:08

Endofyear · 18/09/2025 09:50

Why are you continuing to have contact with this woman? You're under no obligation to have anything to do with her. Just block her and her friends. You have a new relationship and a baby, move on with your life and leave the past behind you.

Ultimately you are most likely correct. I tend not reply but I am scared that blocking her will trigger some sort of reaction or event.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 18/09/2025 10:13

I don’t know that blocking is the way to go (people who get blocked tend to jump to but definitely don’t bother commenting or going further than the odd like or thumbs up. So don’t be active but don’t draw attention to you not being active if you know what I mean

Glitterbug21 · 18/09/2025 10:17

stayathomer · 18/09/2025 10:13

I don’t know that blocking is the way to go (people who get blocked tend to jump to but definitely don’t bother commenting or going further than the odd like or thumbs up. So don’t be active but don’t draw attention to you not being active if you know what I mean

This is what I’m thinking. I don’t want to trigger something. Also if my ex asked why I’ve blocked her I can hardly say ummm she’s scaring me lol.

OP posts:
Seaoftroubles · 18/09/2025 10:23

You do not know her motives so best to just be watchful. She does sound strange, almost like she wants to be more and more like you, and l understand why you feel uneasy. If you have a gut feeling something is off its best to keep very low contact and do not engage unless essential.Respect your daughters wish to limit contact too.

Mauvehoodie · 18/09/2025 10:42

You have no obligation to be this woman's friend or give her any access to you at all. I'd unfriend her if you're friends on any social media or lock your accounts down (eg make instagram private). You can always say you've had difficulty with a family member or other friend if asked or say you've been using it too much and are reducing your presence on SM - just make something up. Then grey rock her. Don't reply to messages unless essential, be super boring, give her nothing. Just completely quietly limit her access to you, your life etc.

Glitterbug21 · 18/09/2025 12:15

Mauvehoodie · 18/09/2025 10:42

You have no obligation to be this woman's friend or give her any access to you at all. I'd unfriend her if you're friends on any social media or lock your accounts down (eg make instagram private). You can always say you've had difficulty with a family member or other friend if asked or say you've been using it too much and are reducing your presence on SM - just make something up. Then grey rock her. Don't reply to messages unless essential, be super boring, give her nothing. Just completely quietly limit her access to you, your life etc.

Thankfully I don’t have her on anything and this is what I have done.

OP posts:
LivingWithANob · 18/09/2025 13:18

Sounds a bit “single white female” to me! I would feel on edge too. From what youre saying, she basically wants to morph into you. What about contacting a stalking helpline? I know its not stalking as such but its bordering. Got with your man, living in your house, trying to become pally with the kids, altering her photos to look like you, trying to become pally with you. Shes already told you shes jealous of you your life and what you have. Id block her on everything (but also block her pals too). Be very wary

RealEagle · 18/09/2025 18:06

Why the hell did you meet up with her ,she was your friend who shagged your husband.

Glitterbug21 · 18/09/2025 19:58

RealEagle · 18/09/2025 18:06

Why the hell did you meet up with her ,she was your friend who shagged your husband.

To make her aware of the abuse. Partly to warn her, partly so she stopped asking me questions about things that weren’t adding up, ans to warn her it was being documented and handed to the appropriate people. Thankfully he headed the warning. I felt like it was the correct thing to do at the time and it has actually helped a lot.

OP posts:
ScupperedbytheSea · 18/11/2025 17:27

Honestly, just tell her to back off.

You can do it politely if you fear her reaction. Something like "because of your role in the breakdown in my relationship, I don't want ongoing contact with you. I've moved on and have a busy life." And block.

ThatRubyRaven · 18/11/2025 19:09

Definitely something not right but hopefully the feeling of being afraid you’re experiencing is the echo of how your ex was with you, and the concern that she’s either his pawn, or was already a little obsessed with you and it’s even more unnerving because she’s with someone who has treated you terribly. Probably difficult to block given logistics with the kids. People like that feed off drama though so I would make some privacy settings around who can see your posts, or not post at all. Suffocate the fire with lack of oxygen, so to speak. Above all, from one survivor to another, please stay safe - and take care of what you’ve built - it sounds beautiful. 🥰

Notsurewhatisnormalanymore · 18/11/2025 19:16

I think he’s abusing her (they don’t change) so she’s struggling. Oh well, shouldn’t have shagged your husband should she? I would just go very low contact (only because she’s step mum so no contact might trigger issues, save that until they’re 18), I wouldn’t care about the photoshopping and stuff, probably due to him emotionally abusing her.

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