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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I want to leave my husband but I'm afraid

9 replies

Saraahh · 18/09/2025 03:04

Hi all, if you've seen my previous posts I'm sure you can agree it's time to finally walk away. I'm scared about initiating it as I know it will get nasty. Do I really want to lose my husband? No. But I need to put my mental health first so I can be a good enough mother for my son. Any tips or advice on how to make it easier?

Another thing- I have a lot of bad things I can out about my husband but I don't really want to as it will ruin his name and image and I'm just not that person. Also I know he will try to hurt me back. He will tell my family that I dated a guy when I was younger and I got beaten up by him. My parents think I was never involved with guys (we are Bengali Muslims) so I know they might even disown me for this and be heavily disappointed. Even though what I did was miniscule compared to what my husband has done. This is a massive thing holding me back from opening my mouth. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Wegovy2026 · 18/09/2025 05:02

I would gather evidence recordings etc and if your DH threatens to tarnish your reputation you have some ammunition to dissuade him.

Be calculated now. Bide your time. Record him at his worst. Loads of tiny spy cameras online.

Stay safe.

parietal · 18/09/2025 05:37

Get as much paperwork and evidence as possible. Do you have your passport and details of bank accounts and payslips etc. do you have a job and an idea of where you will go?

theonlyonestillawake · 18/09/2025 06:43

Are you married legally, or religiously/ both? This might affect your rights in a divorce. Others will be able to advise better on this.

When you say he might hurt you, do you mean physically? If so, contact Women's Aid for advice before you do anything.

You are being incredibly strong, just a little bit longer and you will be free of this man

Original poster
Saraahh · 18/09/2025 06:46

parietal · 18/09/2025 05:37

Get as much paperwork and evidence as possible. Do you have your passport and details of bank accounts and payslips etc. do you have a job and an idea of where you will go?

I have my documents, I can go to my mums assuming she doesn't disown me after finding out I had an ex bf like 6 years ago lol. I don't currently have a job, I have a 5 month old and had to leave my teacher training.

OP posts:
Original poster
Saraahh · 18/09/2025 06:47

theonlyonestillawake · 18/09/2025 06:43

Are you married legally, or religiously/ both? This might affect your rights in a divorce. Others will be able to advise better on this.

When you say he might hurt you, do you mean physically? If so, contact Women's Aid for advice before you do anything.

You are being incredibly strong, just a little bit longer and you will be free of this man

Just married religiously. I have a previous post about him refusing to do the legal registry, only recently he agreed.

I don't think he'll physically harm me but I meant more emotionally by using things I've trusted him with against me.

OP posts:
neverstopthelaundry · 18/09/2025 06:54

Could you state to your parents that he is angry and lashing out and you did not date anyone prior to your husband? Lots of adult children will lie to a parent over something like this. It would help to protect you. Just maintain the lie.

Original poster
Saraahh · 18/09/2025 07:16

neverstopthelaundry · 18/09/2025 06:54

Could you state to your parents that he is angry and lashing out and you did not date anyone prior to your husband? Lots of adult children will lie to a parent over something like this. It would help to protect you. Just maintain the lie.

They won't believe it, and he'll probably find messages of me telling him about it

OP posts:
neverstopthelaundry · 18/09/2025 07:23

I am so sorry. Check your messages and see if you can find anything you might have only told him verbally. I mean could you see yourself putting that in writing knowing what a huge deal it would be to your parents? If you can get your hands on his phone at all you could potentially delete any messages especially if you know what you wrote from your phone so the search would be very specific. If you use Whatsapp the search function is good.

Original poster
Saraahh · 18/09/2025 09:09

neverstopthelaundry · 18/09/2025 07:23

I am so sorry. Check your messages and see if you can find anything you might have only told him verbally. I mean could you see yourself putting that in writing knowing what a huge deal it would be to your parents? If you can get your hands on his phone at all you could potentially delete any messages especially if you know what you wrote from your phone so the search would be very specific. If you use Whatsapp the search function is good.

I don't know his phone password :( another issue we're having lol

OP posts:
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