Cheating partner. Am I delusional?

[VVM]

I’ve been wanting to share this for so long now, i guess it’s just a way for me to air out my thoughts and feelings and to also get a fresh perspective on things. I have read so many of these posts lately and I’ve been able to completely relate and they have helped me get some clarity. Ok so anyway I have an 11 week old daughter with my partner. I have been suspicious of him since the beginning of the year but at that point I was convincing myself it was a me problem and tbh I was never the type to go looking as I always felt I would find something I wouldn’t like. So anyway I got to 24 weeks pregnant and we had just had our daughters 4d scan when he pulled his phone out to check an emailed receipt had come through and upon doing so I just so happened to catch glimpse of an app on his phone that looked suspicious (2 hearts) I didn’t say anything but that night googled what dating app had 2 hearts and I got my answer. I found the app he had on his phone so I created an account and there he was posting all over and had been doing so for the 3 months prior. I ended it with him but a week later got back together. A few days after this incident we were in bed and his phone started ringing like a hotline at 3am and messages were coming through, he was awake but pretended to be asleep. The next morning I was being off with him but didn’t push or demand to see his phone and he made up some story it was a friend inviting him to a nightclub! He’s never been known to go to a nightclub I will add. A couple of weeks after this the same thing happened again, phone ringing one call after the other at 1am and messages coming through but this time I ended up packing up my stuff and walking out to go home. I was around 6/7 months pregnant at this time. I ended it with him again but of course ended up back together. At 8 months pregnant whilst we were dtd (it was completely dark in the room) I went to put my hand behind to touch him there and he grabbed my hand and then I thought I heard a condom being pulled off but I thought again I was going crazy so straight after when he went to the bathroom I checked the bin that he had just put a tissue in and there it was a condom. I tried leaving his that night but he stopped me and a few days later once again were back together. When my daughter was 2 weeks old it all came out about chats he’d been having with women one of which that had spanned months back where she had been telling him how much she missed his sex and they were sending back and forth videos of their past sexual encounters, I asked to see the whole message thread but he deleted it in front of me. I forgave him for all that too. I always knew of one person who he had cheated on me with although he didn’t know that I knew and he still had her on all his social media accounts (he is addicted to social media as petty as it sounds but anyone who he has on there it means something, I’m the opposite I really can’t stand all these platforms tbh) so around 2 weeks ago I asked him to remove her which he did. He also had endless girls on there who do OF and he unfollowed them too. I had basically been gathering evidence and putting all these little pieces together ready to confront him and of course he would always deny and deny and then tell me how much he loved me. At this point I honestly did not want to be with him anymore and my feelings drastically changed but every time I’d end it with him I’d be bombarded with messages and calls saying how he’s changed and was in a bad place but he’s changed now. He did finally admit to cheating sort off. Anyway I gave him another chance and randomly searched his Snapchat name and it came up with his account and a description saying he is an “x rated creator” and how he can help models turn sexual content into cash. I left him yet again which resulted in him telling me he had been admitted to hospital for OD on multi vitamins. Honestly at this point I don’t think I care anymore about the relationship, the love or any of it. I loved this man so much at one point and now I don’t even know if I even love him anymore at all. I’ve tried so hard to get rid of him including blocking his number and he’ll just whip out other numbers from family or his second phone and message me. At the moment we are currently together although in my head we’re not because il never ever trust him again. I know that people can change but him I’m not so sure and tbh I don’t want to stick around to find out. The times we’ve broken up and I’ve ignored him for days apart from replying about updates on our daughter I was doing so well but then I always give in and give him another chance. It’s like he knows how to pull at my heart strings and I always believe life isn’t black and white and people can change etc. He has begged and pleaded and told me how much he’s a changed man now and only wants me and our daughter. I know I’m a fool but am I really an even bigger fool than I thought. I feel like I know it will happen again but I’m just too weak to get off this train wreck I’m on and walk away for good. I don’t trust him at all. It really does feel like I’m just going with the flow in a bubble that I know will go bang soon although I’m not delusional in thinking he has changed or that he means anything he says. I guess I do have low self esteem and no self worth to be allowing this. I think what keeps me hanging on is that without him I’d be completely lonely and it scares me a little bit. I don’t even think I feel hurt anymore. I’ve been through every emotion from crying being heartbroken, to being angry and then full of resentment towards him. Sorry I don’t even know what the point of this post was now but I really do appreciate if you have got this far and are willing to share any thoughts x

Yes you are delusional. What on earth makes you think this scumbag is all you deserve?! What message does it send to your daughter that you will put up with this over and over again?!

get a grip and leave him for good!

He will never change. Get rid of him.

Everything you type he gets worse and worse.

Words mean nothing, action is every thing.

You're his soul mate and he treats you like that?

This isn't love and he isn't a nice person. Nice people don't act how he does.

You're miserable because your brain and body is throwing all the signs at you that this situation isn't right.

Being with someone is not meant to be this hard.

I've been with my man for 19 years. He hasn't always acted right and I haven't been perfect. But he has never disrespected me ever on the level your guy does. He has learned he can treat you like this.

Please please for the love of your baby, show him he cannot.

I am so sad for you that you can't even look at pictures. This isn't right. 😪__

He is a:
● serial liar
● serial cheat

The only reason he "stays" with you (altho UR not living together) - he stays in a relationship with you is for:

(a) easy background sex (in between all his other women)
(b) he thinks you are a mug who will put up with his cheating shit - and still be there, and still lie down and open your legs for him whenever he wants
(c) very slightly ..... he also stays with you because of your child. **

* But do you know how many other babies he may have fathered with other women? Despite his (occasional) use of condoms, I would suspect some of his other encounters are "part time sh@g buddy" arrangements where the other ladies also* think they are in a relationship with him - and this may have led to other pregnancies.

Remove him from your life - this may actually be slightly harder because you don't live together.

He knows where you live and he feels free to come round any time and "charm the pants" off you again. When you have tried to block his number he uses other mobile phones to contact you.

You must block and delete him entirely from your life. If necessary move flat/ move house if that is possible.

Take out a restraining order against him. Tell him and tell the local police you do not want him contacting you or within 100 metres of your home.

Take him to the cleaners financially for child maintenance, but restrict access to his child to as little as possible. You might want his future contact with your child to be via an intermediary or at family contact centre so he would be supervised when with your child (without you having to be present).

^ Remove yourself from the situation and from his life as much as possible. The child is his token - he knows he can worm his way back into your life because of the child / wanting contact with his child (inventing reasons to need to contact you etc).

^ Remove that from him. Put it in the hands of a solicitor.

Phone 3 local solicitors and ask who deals with Family Law and Child Care arrangements.

A solicitor will be able to help you get:

1. Legal Aid to pay for all of this
2. A restraining order against him
3. Sort out CSA / child maintenance and child contact arrangements without you needing to speak or deal with him

Just an update for anyone who might be going though this too. He came over friday and by Monday he started complaining that he had a sore d*ck and said it was from us dtd. Roll on to yesterday (Wednesday) and he told me he was having a burning sensation when he went for a wee along with discharge and he had lumps in his groin area similar to swollen lymph nodes. Anyway I innocently assumed he had a urine infection and asked if we should see a doctor and he said no he’d rather visit a sexual health clinic so I asked him have you slept with someone else and he kept saying no. A few hours later he told me he’s worried he might have chlamydia because he’s had it before years ago and is having the same symptoms so anyway late in the evening he admitted he did sleep with someone 3 weeks ago but it was a mistake. I am worried I now have this infection too as I’ve been feverish, nauseas and have been weeing like I have a bit of a water infection too, I don’t have a burning sensation however but have definitely been going more. I have ended it with him for good now and blocked his number. I told him what I think of him and I am definitely done for good. Honestly it’s true they never change x

Please get rid of this man, not only has he lied to you and disrespect you he’s also put your health at risk.

Get yourself an appointment asap.

Get yourself checked out immediately for STIs.
Theres nothing I can add that hasn’t been said by previous posters but I would add - you need to do some work on yourself.
I dont want to kick you when you’re already down but I would hazard a guess that this isn’t the first poor choice that you’ve made in a partner and that possibly you’ve had bad role models yourself in perhaps a father/ uncle/ brother where this kind of terrible behaviour is normalised and accepted.
It’s not easy and you won’t magically change overnight into a strong independent woman , but you have to keep telling yourself that you and your child both deserve better than this - and only you can provide that for you both.

Wow he is disgusting!!! Yes definitely get checked out asap as the longer it goes on for the higher the risks. So glad you have blocked him too as he will probably still keep trying to get you back! You’re well rid!