Husband denies being drunk

[SugarSpice2020]

Hello all,
Would love any thoughts on this please. Posting here & not in ‘alcohol’ as husband is not alcoholic (I assume!) & this is not a daily / hugely regular event. We rarely drink at home.
BUT -
husband has always enjoyed a drink & comes home at least once, if not twice, a week from ‘work events’ / client meetings, (which I do believe are) what I would call drunk. Ie slightly slurring. hiccups. Goes to sleep watching tv (more quickly than usual, forgets to change occasionally). He is 54 & we have a young child. So this is even more unappealing, & a major turn-off, than maybe it would be if we were younger & childless.

When you’ve lived w someone 9 years funnily enough you can tell drink from tired! Yet he never admits he is ‘drunk’ or even tipsy. So feels the problem is with me. We’re not getting on that well anyway but him appearing ‘tired’ at the end of a long day hardly inspires affection in me. More likely a move to the spare room yet again (as he’ll also snore even more than usual. Lovely).

so I’m not looking for AA help or anything but wondered firstly is this common with other spouses out there? And how do you address this? I’ve tried but same thing keeps occurring.

love any advice on tackling this in a way that won’t result in a huge row / defensiveness etc. thank you!

ps
id likely divorce (for many reasons) if that were an easier option at this point but it’s not (mostly as we live abroad but that’s another story).

He’s a piss-head.

Piss-heads are boring.

Not much you can do, as he clearly prioritises drinking over your feelings.

But that’s assuming you have made it absolutely clear that you don’t like it. Tell him that you find drunkenness like that very unattractive. Not in an aggressive way, just a dispassionate statement of fact. No hints, no double meanings, just be clear. This is how blokes need to be communicated with. I know this because I am one. (Not my fault ladies, I was born that way 😉).

I mean the lying would bother me more than the drink. And I’m someone who was once a bad drinker.

Are you a lot younger than him? And was he not like this when you met?

Does he drive home?

could he be hiding it at home and topping up?

I wonder why you were quick to dismiss AA?

I think you should check out Al - Anon.
You will get a lot of information and identification from there.

To answer your question: no I don't think this is common. Sorry.
Slurring / hiccups is in “pretty drunk” territory for me.
Lying/minimising - not good territory for me.

Sorry had to edit as posted too soon.

Thank you all!
firstly no, he doesn’t drive, we live in city so he does public transport. Thank goodness. Drink driving would have me outta here immediately!
I would say he also doesn’t lie, it’s more he does not think he is as tipsy as he plainly is. Again, I agree lying would = massive red flag .
well he was contrite the day after & last night did not drink when out at a work do so let’s see how this pans out.
yes he is 10 years older & yea he was always a party lover. Guess I really should have known this relationship wouldn’t work. However, he does not get roaring drink & is a very good father & husband in most other ways .
so let’s hope me being absolutely plain with him has worked. Thank you for thoughts!

He needs to drink to the tipsy/fried/sloshed stage once or twice a week? No matter how shy you are to call a spade a spade that’s alcoholic territory or what we call a substance abuse disorder. He a) can’t stop, b) doesn’t recognize it as a problem, c) won’t stop, d) can’t fulfill expected role requirements of husband and father etc…etc…these are all ways if saying that he meets criteria for alcohol abuse disorder ir whatever the current terminology is.

In public health they know so many men are unwilling to identify as gay that they ask “how often have you had sex with a man” instead of “are you gay. Ditto for alcohol use in the UK. People absolutely cannot bring themselves to admit their loved one is an alcoholic. Instead we all have to bend over backwards to assure the poster its ok. But its not ok. Getting drunk after work and sleeping it off at home regularly is the behavior of an alcoholic.