Sexless marriage

[nothingforme52]

Great relationship in every way. I’m very attracted to oh but he is not interested sexually even when I hint. Used to be.
I can feel this, you just know. It
makes me feel so inadequate and has affected my self esteem.
Do others experience this and just let that part of relationship go. I know he looks at others discreetly when we out and porn I’m sure of.
I am past menopause but feel this side of our relationship gone. I feel undesired.

Does he have health conditions? Sorry you’re in same boat as me x

Have you talked to him about it?

Yes and he laughs it off.
says I’m beautiful.
you look nice today.
and so on
we do everything together and things apart. We are best friends but now after hinting this am that I have got some sexy underwear in draw on our weekend away he just started saying I had nice skin, stroking me and laughing abit embarrassed. It’s so surprising. I know I am no supermodel but I’m ok I thought I would always have a sexual relationship with my oh. Now I’m scared to ask as feel stupid and undesirable and unattractive so going give up. We are so close but this feels such a rejection to me inside.

I can’t be assed anymore. We have been together along time so there are plenty of young fit women around. He obviously not interested in me in that way. Just sad and rejected in just the sexual physical way. He holds my hand cuddles tells me he loves me. I’m almost 100 percent he watches porn a lot. Also was previously very friendly with another lady and things changed when she came into our lives along time ago. I’m second best in looks I reckon now. As he’s got older he’s more attractive and I’m less attractive in my mind. I feel bad about myself.

Very hard when you have different sex drives or mismatched interests in a relationship. I think it can be fixed but both people how to want to in the first place. Do you think he would be wiling to?

Well he has high sex drive I think but maybe watching porn or discreetly eyeing others up so what can I do. I’m not a porn star and not young.

It definitely sounds like he is looking elsewhere - porn, another woman. You really need to think about your future with him. It’s making you miserable.

How is that having a high sex drive? Surely men with a high sex drive want to have sex. Watching porn is not the same thing. Nor is staring at random women.

Sounds like you need an honest and adult conversation. If you love each other and it’s a relationship you want to keep, you can’t really dodge the issue, can you?

Agree with this.

Im in a simmilar boat i bring it up all thr time with no honest answers.
I've decided to end thr relationship
There are other factors too
I would consider writing him a letter ,really bullet point about how it makes you feel and that you need a direct answer and truth about what is going on or you are being left with no choice but to end

Been in this situation for years, sometime you get a small change and you think it’ll change but it never does really. It just slips back eventually and OH makes you think you’re the unreasonable one for wanting sex.

It’s just not easy at all and there’s no easy way to get through it.

sometimes chatting to others on here in a similar situation can help, used to chat to a lady from Blackheath on here who was going through a similar situation and support can really help

Sorry OP, but I’m going to be blunt here.

yes he may watch porn, he may be eyeing up other women, but, if he has a high sex drive like you say he does then he will still want sex.

if he doesn’t want sex with you, then it’s probably you he doesn’t want sex with - he is either getting it elsewhere, doesn’t find you sexually attractive or has a medical issue that means he either can’t have sex or inadequate sex.

Same here my partner is 41 I am hugely attracted to him but he doesn’t want sex often . We can go weeks without it. I feel unloved and undesirable. Resentment starting to simmer now.he will kiss and cuddle etc. it the actual sexual act seems not to interest him. I am heartbroken as I love him

I'm similar situation but a little different I'm a male and partner has shown no interest sexually for just over 6years, so yes unfortunately I've gone without, but I notice she uses toys at least 3-4 times a week, so I know she has a good sex drive which I wonder I am here?
Any time sex is brought up it backfires on me and conversation is avoided

Which makes me feel inadequate, un loved, low self esteem, mentally hurting makes me also question myself as less of a man.
She also had a full affair back in 2023 - 2024
Which we want to repair but I see no action taking place on her side to show she wants to repair nor has she self reflected.

Now if I was to get a blow up toy, sex toy(like a fake vagina) or a sucking toy
Typical stero type people and her would probably think I'm a creep or a perverted man.

Yeah I don't want to throw it all away for nothing,

I'd sit down and have a convo. It's a joint problem so you need to reach a solution together. Give him the various options and say he's obviously lost interest in you so do you:

1. Visit Ann Summers and buy some gadgets
2. Find a FWB and keep the dh just for fun, cuddles and the love
3. Break up

He may realise then that this is serious and he could lose everything if he doesn't want to tackle the problem