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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do I kick him out?

37 replies

Ejs890011 · 16/09/2025 06:47

Hi everyone
I have an issue we have an 8 week old. Last night my husband and I went on a car ride and we were talking like normal, then it went quiet and I ended up falling asleep.
he said why is it quiet I said sorry I am falling asleep. Then he went oh ok, then he proceeded to say you don’t want fun times later then? I said no I am to tired.
when we got back home he put our son to bed then proceeded to say he is sleeping in spare room as we are not close anymore and he can’t live like this. We only had sex 9 days ago.
then he goes on saying a whole bunch of crap. Then says he hasn’t had fun with himself since last time we had sex. He also he doesn’t get why I am tired as yesterday my parents looked after our son for a. Few hours while I was out with friends and he is at work all day. So I shouldn’t be tired.
i am so wound up as this attitude is not the first time. I feel there is much pressure on our sex life and I am so fed up. He always say it’s always his fault because he finds me too attractive and all he wants to do is be close to me.
I dont know how I feel I need a break what do you all think?

OP posts:
FamilyPhoto · 16/09/2025 06:50

I think he is a cunt.

Mummyshark2019 · 16/09/2025 06:58

I think you need to tell him to sling his hook.

Thepossibility · 16/09/2025 07:01

Yep get him gone.

hmmnotreallysure · 16/09/2025 07:02

He's a selfish prick.

Myfridgeiscool · 16/09/2025 07:05

He either needs to step up to help you or F off. You had a baby 8 weeks ago, you need to rest. His behaviour is completely unreasonable.

Amsooverthis · 16/09/2025 07:06

8 week old baby! He's lucky to have had any sex at all. He obviously cares not one jot for what space you are in physically or emotionally. LTB. He will end up being harder work than being on your own with the baby.

TwistedWonder · 16/09/2025 07:06

FamilyPhoto · 16/09/2025 06:50

I think he is a cunt.

First response nails it

Gettingbysomehow · 16/09/2025 07:08

What a pathetic waste of space.

arcticpandas · 16/09/2025 07:09

Wtf! He's coercing sex. Wanting to be close has nothing to do with it- in that case he would be happy to cuddle with you. This lack of physical tender connection is a turn off for sex so he's not very intelligent.

Showerflowers · 16/09/2025 07:13

He’s a coercive piece of work and even has the cheek to blame you for being so attractive. My exh was like this. And it’s just one massive turn off isn’t it. Nothing makes a woman feel less up for it than being pressured.

id sit him down and tell him straight and put some boundaries in right away.

Applebey · 16/09/2025 07:14

This man does not have your best interests at heart. He’s selfish and entitled and thinks he’s “punishing” you by sleeping in another room. Tell him you are allowed to be tired, he doesn’t get to determine how tired you are allowed to be?! What a dick.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 16/09/2025 07:22

Disgusting man. Get rid of him.

carmak · 16/09/2025 07:32

Blimey, just when you think you've seen it all....

Do you actually have the energy to kick him out OP?

Topjoe19 · 16/09/2025 08:07

8 weeks! Let him sleep in the spare room. Bastard. He is supposed to be caring for you, you are the mother of his newborn child, not sulking because you don't want sex. Disgusting.

KatSlayMoon · 16/09/2025 08:08

You had a baby 8 weeks ago and you have already started having sex again-let me guess: that was his idea? He sees you as nothing more than a domestic appliance that should be catering to his needs OP, and the fact that everything is centred around sex and his sexual needs is disgusting. What about your needs?

If he’s like this after 8 weeks postpartum what would happen if say in the future you became ill and didn’t or couldn’t have sex for a while? Would he just up and leave then? I thought marriage was about in sickness and in health? You are still in recovery and he is pressuring you into sex. That is coercive and emotionally manipulative behaviour.

Original poster
Ejs890011 · 16/09/2025 14:07

Hi all thanks for your comments.
had a chat with my best friend, I am thinking I need a break from my husband for a while. I don’t know how to approach it though. I answered his call this morning but was very abrupt. He then proceeded to send me this:

You’re still annoyed at me babe I can tell. I will give you space today and when get home have a cuddle and a chat if needed. I get why you get frustrated with me. I know you’ve heard it all before but if I ever mention anything to do with you know what again I will leave. So… I won’t mention it ever again. Don’t know about you but I just want to have an easy life and having stress like that isn’t healthy what so ever so I’d o genially apologise. it will eventually brake us up. So like I said I will not mention it again and things will just happen naturally. I can’t help the way I feel about you babe. I get it from your point of view as it’s to much at times and I will ensure that I don’t mention it. We have a lovely family now what we both have worked for for so many years. I’m not throwing that away. This stage is very very exhausting for us both and finances really don’t help with things so that’s an extra strain. So onwards and upwards and we just ensure we help and support each other.

Love you xxx

i don’t know what to say to that really so I haven’t replied
please help

OP posts:
Nearly50omg · 16/09/2025 15:21

Ejs890011 · 16/09/2025 14:07

Hi all thanks for your comments.
had a chat with my best friend, I am thinking I need a break from my husband for a while. I don’t know how to approach it though. I answered his call this morning but was very abrupt. He then proceeded to send me this:

You’re still annoyed at me babe I can tell. I will give you space today and when get home have a cuddle and a chat if needed. I get why you get frustrated with me. I know you’ve heard it all before but if I ever mention anything to do with you know what again I will leave. So… I won’t mention it ever again. Don’t know about you but I just want to have an easy life and having stress like that isn’t healthy what so ever so I’d o genially apologise. it will eventually brake us up. So like I said I will not mention it again and things will just happen naturally. I can’t help the way I feel about you babe. I get it from your point of view as it’s to much at times and I will ensure that I don’t mention it. We have a lovely family now what we both have worked for for so many years. I’m not throwing that away. This stage is very very exhausting for us both and finances really don’t help with things so that’s an extra strain. So onwards and upwards and we just ensure we help and support each other.

Love you xxx

i don’t know what to say to that really so I haven’t replied
please help

My response to that would be that he will
fins his stuff on the doorstep when he gets back from work and the locks will be changed and he can go and live wherever the fuck he feels like as it’s not your problem anymore and you are not putting up with his abusive behaviour anymore

keyser · 16/09/2025 16:23

8 WEEKS? i waited 9 months for my ex to have her back to it.

he got hands, and internet too i am sure. He can have fun there

user892734543544 · 16/09/2025 16:31

What contact would you be happy with for the baby?
You'll need to think about this before you break up.

I'd just let him sleep in the spare room. Let him not mention the thing he's mention three times in his message. Let him leave as and when he wants, hopefully when baby is a bit older and you can be happy to be away from him every other weekend for the whole weekend.

During this time I'd siphon money off into a private savings account and work out my housing plan for when I was free of him.

perfectcolourfound · 16/09/2025 19:32

His behaviour is appalling. After 8 weeks I hadn't even thought of sex. Trying to bully / coerce someone who's just given birth, who is physically and mentally exhausted, is disgusting behaviour.

I don't think I'd ever be able to respect him or fancy him again.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 17/09/2025 13:36

Ejs890011 · 16/09/2025 14:07

Hi all thanks for your comments.
had a chat with my best friend, I am thinking I need a break from my husband for a while. I don’t know how to approach it though. I answered his call this morning but was very abrupt. He then proceeded to send me this:

You’re still annoyed at me babe I can tell. I will give you space today and when get home have a cuddle and a chat if needed. I get why you get frustrated with me. I know you’ve heard it all before but if I ever mention anything to do with you know what again I will leave. So… I won’t mention it ever again. Don’t know about you but I just want to have an easy life and having stress like that isn’t healthy what so ever so I’d o genially apologise. it will eventually brake us up. So like I said I will not mention it again and things will just happen naturally. I can’t help the way I feel about you babe. I get it from your point of view as it’s to much at times and I will ensure that I don’t mention it. We have a lovely family now what we both have worked for for so many years. I’m not throwing that away. This stage is very very exhausting for us both and finances really don’t help with things so that’s an extra strain. So onwards and upwards and we just ensure we help and support each other.

Love you xxx

i don’t know what to say to that really so I haven’t replied
please help

Urgh. This message from is vile as well.

he’s letting you know that you’ll brake [sic] up if you don’t have sex with him. He is showing his true self, isn’t he? And he’s not looking out for you.

He’s ’orrible. Interesting how he’s changed tactic now you’re standing up for yourself by being less friendly.

Do not let him guilt you into having sex before you want to. It’s revolting.

I would bin him.

Francestein · 17/09/2025 13:40

Call his mummy and tell her that HER baby wants an easy life so she’s going to have him back.

rainbowstardrops · 17/09/2025 13:53

He’s trying to guilt you into having sex with him. How bloody unattractive.

CagneyNYPD1 · 17/09/2025 14:41

Urgh. He knows that he has overstepped and is now trying to minimise his actions by sharing the blame with you. And the subtle threat of “breaking up” is designed to keep you on your toes.

What was he like during your pregnancy?

Original poster
Ejs890011 · 17/09/2025 14:49

Same way in my pregnancy, he tried to always initiate it, he ended up throwing things at me.
it was only a dressing gown and some boxers shorts but still not the point.
I have had a chat with him and I am giving him one more chance then. I am done

OP posts: