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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stuck but worried about wasting my future

16 replies

Alwaysonholidayy · 15/09/2025 20:38

Been with partner for 6.5 years and were friends for 3 years before this. We have moved a few times and ended up taking on a renovation which has cost us much more than expected. When we got together I told him I really wanted us to be married in the next few years and he agreed. We are now over 6 years in and not even engaged. We have talked about marriage a lot but only when I initiate it and just about what we would do, there's never been a suggestion of when we will get married and can tell he wants to change the subject. I am also unhappy in our current home for a number of reasons but he wouldn't consider moving. He doesn't want kids and I didn't think I did either but we got together when I was late 20s and there's no room to even consider it in this relationship if I did change my mind. I feel like for all the big decisions, it's his way goes and I feel like I'm living a life that I didn't really choose.

To top it off that he has just been put at risk of redundancy and has 3 months to find something else. We have just went on holiday together and didn't have sex once and just felt like an emotional punchbag. I'm currently feeling so unhappy and that we don't have a future but feel like I can't leave him now. We still get along well day to day for the most part and I do love him but I feel like I'm ignoring the big picture. Any advice on what I can do? I don't want him to end up jobless, depressed and at risk of losing his home too.

OP posts:
Mumlaplomb · 15/09/2025 20:41

cut your losses and leave him. Sell the house, take your money and start again.

TinderFan · 15/09/2025 20:46

You don’t mention how old you are but honestly, life’s too short to waste it being unhappy and incompatible. I remained in my marriage longer than I should have despite the signs being there that we were no longer on the same page. As a result, I’m almost 46 and my marriage ended a year ago - the ship has sailed for me
in terms of having kids, but I am now in a very happy, joyful relationship where we are on the same page and have the same values and outlook on life and I feel excited for the future rather than the existential dread my marriage had turned into.

Beachtastic · 15/09/2025 21:05

His life and how it all works out is not your responsibility. Yours is.

Being someone's emotional punchbag is, to put it mildly, not a great way to spend a holiday.

Picture yourself sitting on the sofa with him in 50 years' time. What would you want to tell yourself now about the 6.5 years you've invested in this relationship and the doubts you're already having?

Willthiswork12 · 15/09/2025 21:05

How old are you?

Alwaysonholidayy · 15/09/2025 21:07

Willthiswork12 · 15/09/2025 21:05

How old are you?

I'm 34

OP posts:
Willthiswork12 · 15/09/2025 21:08

Alwaysonholidayy · 15/09/2025 21:07

I'm 34

Cut your loss now before you get any older. It depends what you want, but if you want marriage and children and a family, you need to get on it now. He's just not going to give you what you want.

You deserve so much more.

Alwaysonholidayy · 15/09/2025 21:11

Beachtastic · 15/09/2025 21:05

His life and how it all works out is not your responsibility. Yours is.

Being someone's emotional punchbag is, to put it mildly, not a great way to spend a holiday.

Picture yourself sitting on the sofa with him in 50 years' time. What would you want to tell yourself now about the 6.5 years you've invested in this relationship and the doubts you're already having?

That's exactly what I keep thinking is that I'm going to look back with regrets in 30 years time and wishing I had the confidence to leave. I just feel like an awful person with the timing of it but I know there is always going to be a reason or excuse not to do it

OP posts:
MixedBananas · 15/09/2025 21:14

Life is too short. The relationship has run it's course and is dead. 6 years too long.
Psychologists say that men know if the woman they are with is wife material by 6 months of the relationship. Not 6 years!

His redundancy is not your buisness he is a man he can sort out himself.

AltitudeCheck · 15/09/2025 21:15

You have no kids and you're not married, there is nothing stopping you leaving, rip the band aid off and get out of there before he's unemployed and you have another thongs making you feel obliged to stay!

MyPinkTraybake · 15/09/2025 21:19

Honestly you'd be happier single. I left a relationship at 32 and never found anyone yet but my life is richer in ways I didn't expect. Unless you have kids to stay together live your life.

Notagain25 · 15/09/2025 21:20

Well he doesn’t want what you want and what you want is perfectly normal at your stage of life. You don’t even have sex on holiday! What’s the point? You’re not even like a couple plus he is knocking you back. You are wasting your time.

Only thing is, if you leave him he might panic and suddenly promise marriage/kids etc so be prepared for that.

Merseymum1980 · 15/09/2025 21:22

How would things work regarding house with it Being mid extension x

minipie · 15/09/2025 21:24

Leave leave leave. Look up the sunk costs fallacy.

Beachtastic · 15/09/2025 21:25

Alwaysonholidayy · 15/09/2025 21:11

That's exactly what I keep thinking is that I'm going to look back with regrets in 30 years time and wishing I had the confidence to leave. I just feel like an awful person with the timing of it but I know there is always going to be a reason or excuse not to do it

Definitely. The timing will always be bad for one reason or another, and it will only get worse the longer you leave it!

Thepossibility · 15/09/2025 22:13

He isn't the one for you, and he isn't bringing joy to your life. Don't waste more precious time with him.

Alwaysonholidayy · 16/09/2025 06:44

Merseymum1980 · 15/09/2025 21:22

How would things work regarding house with it Being mid extension x

We have just been renovating so no extension

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