Dating a guy who has 3 kids

[lindaL46]

Evening all,

After opinions / life stories. I am seeing a guy, we get on brilliantly and ready to make things serious (only dating at the moment). The thing is he has 3 kids by two women, the first woman was his child hood sweetheart and they were married, and the second was a rebound.

Financially and emotionally he supports the children and never bad mouths his ex partners.

Is 3 children too much to take on? I have no children but do love them so it doesn’t bother me so much but I am
thinking long term would it become an issue.

Has anyone else had the same experience and if so has it worked for you?

Never had the experience however it can be really hard ive heard from friends if he is paying maintenance for 3 kids.
Also find our more if he gets on with kids mum

Does he want mroe children? Do you? How often does he have them?

I just couldn’t, especially because there are 2 mothers. It’s all too complicated

Do you want children?

It's not how many kids, it's how many mothers you want to deal with. You'll be at best his 6th priority after 3 kids and 2 mums. Why sign up to be 6th? If he's a decent man he'll put them all before a new girlfriend. Are you happy with that? And if not, do you want to have a relationship with a man that's not decent?

I am a single mum of 2 soon to be 3 (6 months pregnant) this is through no fault of my own. My ex was arrested for awful, awful crimes that I knew nothing about.
Meeting someone in the future and explaining my life is my biggest fear! I would like to think the kids won’t put people off but it seems it may

How old are the dc's and how often does he have them? Have you been dating long? Surely they take up the bulk of his free time. This would be the same for holidays as well, he will always need to factor them in, I would worry he wouldn't have much left to give to a relationship.

Also, Liking kids is no where near the same ball park as trying to be step mother to 3.

But the biggest thing that would put me off is if you want to have dc's of your own. I always think when having dc's you should consider those who already exist and how this would impact on them. Having more dc's would limit even more the time, finances and energy he has for his existing children.

I think you need to think about if you want kids too, of so can you both afford to buy a house with x number of bedrooms

It wouldn’t put me off now I’ve got kids, but before I had them i would have been concerned about whether he would want more kids with me and whether he had the means to support them.

It all depends on you, really.
Do you want children of your own? And if you do, how likely is it that he'd be up for that?
How do you see the role as stepmother? How (un)involved do you want to be?
And do these views match his? Does he want someone to take on a stepmotherly role, or does he just want to date you and keep his children out of it?
Can you live with coming in fourth place for the rest of your life?
Can you live with all of the seemingly small details that come with parenthood, which will take up a large portion of your time and energy?

I think it’s one thing to love children and another to take on the practicalities of three children and their needs and contact schedules. What does “making things serious” look like? Living together? Have you spoken about how household finances will work, how often the children will be staying, how your lives will be organised around that? It’s one thing to state theoretically that he’d do the parenting and you’d mostly stay out of it, but that’s not really how it works when you’re a couple and your home is the children’s other home. I’d be wary if he has a blasé view and very rosy picture of it, rather than understand how complicated it can be and what the challenges will be for you.

Are they with him on a full time or 50/50 basis? If it’s on the basis of weekends only I don’t think that can be seen as ‘taking on’. But the potential hassle may put me off.

That said there isn’t always drama or ill feeling between co parents.