Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What next after separation

1 reply

MammaBe · 15/09/2025 16:46

Is it possible to recover a marriage after separation? 4 years of marriage with multiple stressors, money, family conflict, new country, toxic work. Tried to keep oir family unit together. DH has done very well but my career and income have suffered. DH behaviours have shown cycles of really good to us and times when he is v angry, can't tolerate when DS cries, or when DS not doing as been asked to do, me interrupting his disciplining is a big thing, I'm always in fear of the anger escalating; rightly or wrongly, generally not being satisfied with my parenting. Things reached a head and we separated. I'm confused where to go next. He's behaving well obviously and seen DS since. My gut is divorce is on the cards. Hate the idea of breaking up the family unit and not having a father figure present. But equally don't want the negative impact of bad behaviours. Craving the good but awake to the bad. Is it possible to to maintain a marriage with separation and co parenting? Trying to carve the best outcome for DS. DH seems much calmer and happier separated tbh. Think he'd probably move on swiftly after divorce. Can't work out how much is situational vs he's just not a good man. Lots of unknowns about how he will be Co parenting & ideally if divorce I would not want any interaction.

OP posts:
TheAvidWriter · 15/09/2025 16:55

OP, listen to your gut.

When I separated it tore me apart. Really did. And like you I wanted nothing more than the good parts of my relationship to continue, without all the issues. My ex was explosive then kind and loving, then volatile, and he blamed it on me, work, other people. His list of reasoning was endless. Never his fault. But if he wanted something from me, then he would take an ounce of responsibility but gaslight at the same time.

I understand you want the good things to resume, but the relationship you want will never happen if the other person is only nice when they are trying to win you back, but as soon as you say no, they revert back to volatile unsafe behaviors.

Two parents can be great individually, and seems to me like your motherly instinct was, and is to protect your little one from a volatile home life. And rightly so.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page