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Original poster

Date disagreement

47 replies

Doidatethis1 · 15/09/2025 10:59

I have been dating a man for 6 weeks. We've been on around 7 dates. A mixture of pubs for drinks and food. walks,takeaways and an evening at the coast. We've been to each other's houses and we speak all the time.

This week he's wanted to go to a world food buffet. He wanted me to go on Friday. 8 was working and had a 7am start the following day.nill be honest I don't fancy it. The whole going up and piling up plates etc. I avoided it and we had a quieter date. I've had a rough couple of days and I'm overwhelmed. But he wanted to go out tonight. I got in there first and said about a bar that serves food near a lake near us. Or a drink then back here for a takeaway. Or he could come here and have drinks then we could plan something Saturday night. He replied let's go over to that buffet and go for a couple of drinks after. It's a 45 minute drive away. I told him I didn't fancy a buffet date. Which has lead him to think I'm making excuses to not see him and giving him the cold shoulder.

On top of this he's in a constant battle with his ex over
Her child that he has chosen to raise as his own. It's all drama with that.

I'm currently feeling down and like I've messed up because of my confidence and not feeling comfortable at a buffet restaurant,

Should I have just gone and not been so negative.

[post edited by MNHQ to remove identifying info]

OP posts:
PrizedPickledPopcorn · 15/09/2025 11:53

You aren’t having fun. This isn’t worth it.

He isn’t listening to what you want/need and is pushing for what he wants/needs- and they aren’t compatible.

Break it off saying ‘what a shame we aren’t compatible’.

But please tell me what a tolle is. I need to know.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 15/09/2025 11:54

Is it a misprint for town?

DrJump · 15/09/2025 11:55

This is way to much drama for 6 weeks.

Find someone that wants to make you feel good.

ForTipsyFinch · 15/09/2025 12:10

He sounds manipulative? Making out you don’t want to see him just because he didn’t want to do any of your suggestions is petulant, and I would be running away from this.

ForTipsyFinch · 15/09/2025 12:13

Doidatethis1 · 15/09/2025 11:11

I have told him. He thinks its an excuse. Because I was down yesterday and cancelled because I had a hard day at work which resulted in a death thats part of my job but it got to me. I wanted to see him tonight so suggested what I felt I could cope with, but he's snapping at me now saying I'm messing him about. Am I in the wrong?

I just don't like going up and piling my plate up. I've never enjoyed them places. I prefer to order my meal.

Do you really think you’re in the wrong?

If you do it could suggest some deeper issues.

Lairymary · 15/09/2025 12:15

Cinaferna · 15/09/2025 11:29

He's snapping at you for wanting a quiet night with him when you feel overwhelmed? Not a good sign.

I remember trying to cancel a date with DH when we were first together, because I was feeling unwell. He begged me to come over. I did, feeling a bit pissed off that he had insisted. When I got there, he'd run a bath, there was a hot water bottle in the bed, he'd made fresh soup and bought a small supply of the toiletries he knew I used. He tucked me up in bed and left me to sleep. That was a good early date.

Well that's just lovely!

KitsyWitsy · 15/09/2025 12:18

I recently went to a buffet place with my bloke. He was desperate to try it. I am on Mounjaro and hardly ate anything! He loved it though and it was nice for him. I get to choose where we go most of the time anyway. You don’t have to stuff your face there… it’s not compulsory! It was only £9.45 too, so hardly a rip off.

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 15/09/2025 12:26

Doidatethis1 · 15/09/2025 11:11

I have told him. He thinks its an excuse. Because I was down yesterday and cancelled because I had a hard day at work which resulted in a death thats part of my job but it got to me. I wanted to see him tonight so suggested what I felt I could cope with, but he's snapping at me now saying I'm messing him about. Am I in the wrong?

I just don't like going up and piling my plate up. I've never enjoyed them places. I prefer to order my meal.

You are not in the wrong. Why you don't like buffets is irrelevant. You have said no to something and explained, and look how he reacts! Telling you that you're "making excuses" and snapping at you. And thats after a day when you've had to deal with a death at work.

Drop him like a stone, OP. Imagine how he'll react to any more difficult times in your life or relationship. Well you don't actually have to imagine as you can see how he is bickering over a child right now.

He is showing you who he is and it's not nice. Get out before you are any further involved with this man.

BauhausOfEliott · 15/09/2025 12:56

People here who are querying why you don't like buffets are missing the point on a grand scale. Never mind about whether buffets are good or bad, that's not the issue.

The issue is this: you've only been on a handful of dates and he's already acting like a total prick by 'snapping' at you and accusing you of 'messing him about' and losing interest solely because you didn't fancy going to a certain restaurant one night????

This man is a complete arsehole who is now showing you his true colours. If you continue to see him, he will be like this every time you don't dance to his tune. He's a paranoid, controlling arsehole.

It also sounds like he's being appalling towards the mother of his kids to be honest.

There are so many red flags here. So many. Bin him now before he gets his horrible little claws into you.

BauhausOfEliott · 15/09/2025 12:57

KitsyWitsy · 15/09/2025 12:18

I recently went to a buffet place with my bloke. He was desperate to try it. I am on Mounjaro and hardly ate anything! He loved it though and it was nice for him. I get to choose where we go most of the time anyway. You don’t have to stuff your face there… it’s not compulsory! It was only £9.45 too, so hardly a rip off.

It's not about the buffet. It's about the fact that he wants her to do as she's told and gets snappy and cuntish towards her when she doesn't fancy it.

cinnamonbunlover · 15/09/2025 14:16

Missed the bit about him claiming you are messing him about and he is snapping. He is being manipulative. Ditch him 🚩

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 15/09/2025 14:22

It’s been six weeks - just end it. It really shouldn’t be this complicated.

smallsilvercloud · 15/09/2025 14:27

I’d leave it, he sounds self centred and only interested in his own suggestions, you’re not compatible

Ncforthis2244 · 15/09/2025 17:11

Do you have any children of your own? Beware he may try and claim custody of them if you split in the future!

And what is a tolle?

pictoosh · 15/09/2025 17:43

So no further forward on what the 'tolle' is?
Disappointed.

BuckChuckets · 15/09/2025 18:40

I need to know what the tolle is!!

But also, agree with everyone else, he's making you stressed and miserable after a few weeks? BIN.

YetanotherNC25 · 15/09/2025 20:20

This reply has been withdrawn

Post withdrawn as it contains identifying information

Damnd · 15/09/2025 20:40

Yh I don't think you can be bothered, it's not a good sign. If you are into someone you don't mind.. I remember sitting in the car for one date once and I was quite happy actually.

TwistedWonder · 15/09/2025 22:08

Agree with PP it’s irrelevant why you don’t like a buffet - I hate them as well, not my idea of a date tbh - it’s the fact he’s calling all the shots and getting arsey when you don’t dance to his tune.

Definitely red flags for control imo.

IridiumSky · 16/09/2025 02:54

Buffets, especially the ‘All you can eat’ sort are always naff, so I’m with you on that OP.

But there’s nothing wrong with going to the Tolle. Especially if it’s a green one.

supercali77 · 16/09/2025 06:28

I just want to know what The tolle is 🤔

ForTipsyFinch · 16/09/2025 08:08

Damnd · 15/09/2025 20:40

Yh I don't think you can be bothered, it's not a good sign. If you are into someone you don't mind.. I remember sitting in the car for one date once and I was quite happy actually.

Sitting in a car isn’t anywhere near to being a date. I can’t imagine anyone over 20 being ok about that either?

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