Blindsided and angry

[Teacatswine]

Hey MN, have had a really bad day today, couldn't stop crying. I don't know if it's the change of season, the fact it's getting darker at night, the fact I've not been on my own in 10 years.

Anyway I know the advice I got in my post was to go no contact, but I find this really hard to do.

Also not to contact the OW, however I just really needed to get it off my chest and I emailed her. It was to her business email, which was disabled, but also copied in my ex partner. Think she might disable it when she's not working (she's a dog walker). Not sure that's relevant, sorry.

I find it really hard to come to terms that they are just getting on with their lives, together. He's just sliding into her life, going on dog walks, going to the ice hockey, which he was never interested in, going to country music events locally, which he was never interested in, even buying cowboy boots! Why are all these things bothering me, and upsetting me? And I am just stuck!

I am in the house we shared and I can't stand to be here sometimes! It no longer feels like my home. I am trying to do positive stuff like decorating, changing bits and pieces to make it 'mine'. Looking into doing things that suit me, like joining a book club, I'm an avid reader.

Have I just not given it enough time, I feel guilty for feeling this way and feel I should be further on in the healing process, but, especially today, I felt like I have taken 10 steps back and it's just as raw as the day he left me 😢😢😢

How do you know so much about your ex’s new hobbies etc?

Are you still in contact with him? How do you know so much about what they're doing?

He has obviously moved on with his life and you need to do the same. Stop obsessing about their relationship and concentrate on making your own life what you want it to be. If you are living close to them, have you thought about moving? It might help to put some distance between you. Taking up new hobbies, seeing friends, keeping busy - these are all ways in which you can help yourself.

Thank you for your comments. I know I need to move on and get on with my own life. It's hard! Was with him for 10 years and he'd moved on within 8 weeks of leaving, with a woman who he hadn't seen for 40 years. I know about their hobbies because she's been in my house talking about them before he left me. They started with an emotional affair.

Well, should he cross your mind, imagine him doing the Electric Slide very badly, wearing a Stetson and stupid cowboy boots, bored out of his mind and looking like an idiot.

Only an utterly tragic individual would adopt wholesale all the hobbies and interests of whoever he happens to be in a relationship with. Should he move on or be moved on again, expect to see him absorbed in pigeon racing or prog rock.