To invite MIL, you do not get along with. Over for Christmas?

[leilall]

I know Christmas is still some time away. But my partner and I moved into a bigger home a few months back. And I was thinking about Christmas.

I do not get on with my MIL unfortunately. My partner and I briefly split for a few years back. And I feel she was actually happy about the situation. Because he moved in with his mother when we split. She enjoyed having her son home and her grandchild who would be there most weekends. Which I understand! But she would purposely add fuel to the fire. Encouraging her son to lie to me (regarding our child). She would make comments about me ‘going out’ to my partner when it was his turn. To have our child.

Even prior to the temporary split. She wasn’t particularly nice or accommodating. I remember asking my partner before we had children, if he would arrange a dinner date for us all. Me, his mom and him. She flat out said no. She didn’t congratulate me or communicate when I birthed her grandchild and almost died of sepsis when doing so. She has made constant judgemental comments about me breastfeeding, potty training etc (to my partner, never directly to me). When my son was a newborn and if I napped during the day. She made a comments to my partner, saying I was always sleeping. (Bare in mind, I was the only one who attended to our child on the night)

Now I just stay away, far far away. As it’s clear she doesn’t like me. But I can’t help feel guilty about not inviting her on Christmas Day. But do I compromise my own feelings. This woman dislikes me so much, she’s never even offered me a drink in her home.
I always told her she was welcome to my home pretty much whenever. As long as she just sends me a text prior, I offended to pick her up from the train station. If she ever wanted to visit and my partner (her son) wasn’t home. I feel I really tried at the start

I really envy people who have lovely relationships, with their MIL’s as I would have loved to have that type of relationship. A second mother figure or even a friend. But she makes me feel so awkward and uncomfortable.
She even sold my Christmas gifts for her on eBay one year. Dressing gown and slippers, the safest gift possible 😂
But what would everyone else do?

I wouldn't be inviting her. DH would be welcome to discuss what he wanted with me, and it's remotely feasible I might then agree to him inviting her but no way would I do it.

If DH or DC wanted to invite her then give it a go.

Have him meet her and take her home too. That way the time MIL is at your place is controlled.
Make it clear that DH is to take his mother home early if she is nasty.

Home made card from DC. Gift - photo of DC and gift card to pharmacy she frequents or cinema she attends.

What does your man think of how you have been treated by his mother?.

Do not invite her. Do you think she feels at all guilty as to how she has treated you, no not a bit of it. She has seemingly not apologised nor has accepted any responsibility for her actions.

You feel guilty because you are a kind and reasonable person but this sort of woman sees kindness as a weakness. Don’t reward such terrible behavior on her part. She does not deserve it and she is not worth bothering about.

I’m similar with my MIL, we did get along but as she’s got under she’s just horrible, rude and has said really nasty things to our children, her grandchildren, about being filthy, ugly and she even told my 13 year old daughter she was fat … I’m low contact now, but dread Christmas every year, my SIL has had them the last 2 years and it’s been bliss! Dreading this year though

If i wanted to ruin Christmas yes id invite her.

Continue to keep your distance and your peace.

No don’t invite her. You are not compromising, you are putting someone (who isn’t even nice to you!) first.

Has your partner asked you about inviting her?

@leilall arrange to go to your parents before any talk comes up about christmas. or even book a holiday for a family surprise.