Husband out drinking

[DandyPinkSwan]

Rugby season has started, so my husband took our son at 9am to catch the bus to the match that my son is playing in. He mentioned wanting a “few” drinks afterwards, and I thought, fair enough. At 1pm I picked up our son, even though I wasn’t feeling well. I asked my husband how long he planned to be out, and he said a couple of hours. I added, “You’re not going to be drinking until 5pm, are you?” and he swore he wouldn’t. Fast forward to now and there is still no sign of him.

I know I’m unwell, but I could have hung out on the sofa with him. I can’t help feeling a bit sad and resentful that my husband has chosen to spend the afternoon elsewhere with others. This wasn’t a big gang of Dads/husbands, just one or two, mine included, who like a drink and who he would have seen at the mid week at the training session. (So no big catch up.) And now, with rugby season underway, I suppose this kind of thing will be happening regularly until May of next year.

Is he home yet OP?

I know that your H is entitled to have time with his pals and to have a drink.
But what stands our my from your post is:
That you were agreeable to him going for drink provided he was back at a reasonable time. But even though he agreed to this he has stayed out much longer than he agreed.
That he has done this even though he knows you aren't well.
That you are expecting him to be spending a lot of time drinking over the coming months.
Do you get time to socialise with your friends Op?
You really need to sit down and talk about the ground rules for his drinking sessions. Going out for a drink is one thing. Getting legless and not coming home when expected is another when he is a family man with responsibilities.

Husband is home, got back not long after I posted. He keeps asking if I’m okay, and I’ve said no, I’m not feeling any better and I’m not happy with how today has gone. Our teen son is laughing because his dad is repeating himself and not making much sense. His drinking has always been a bone of contention — in the past he’d say I was exaggerating, but more recently it’s been “well, you knew what I was like.”

To answer your question, yes, he does encourage me to go out and socialise. I think it makes him feel more free and less guilty about going out himself. The reality is I’m a homebody and I have an illness that needs treatment and medication, which leaves me fatigued, so I don’t get out much.

I’ve tried setting ground rules, but once he starts drinking everything goes out the window. It now makes me tense the moment he mentions having a drink, because it always seems to get out of hand.

Over the summer he had been fairly sensible, so I feel extra sad that with rugby season starting, he’s already slipping back into old ways. I also feel we’re going round in circles as he’ll apologise and then it happens again.

Do you think he has a drink problem?. If he has a drink problem then you need to consider whether you want to remain in this relationship at all. It is not doing your son any favours seeing his dad like this along with your reactions to it. What do you want to teach your son about relationships and what is he learning here?.

I’ve often wondered if he does. I wouldn’t say he drinks every day, but when he does, it can quickly tip into too much and then all the promises and boundaries we’ve talked about go out the window. It definitely causes tension between us. I do worry about what kind of example that sets for son in terms of drinking.

Husband has apologised this morning. I think if it is genuine then he needs to figure out why he binges when he drinks and what he can do to break the binge cycle.

Thanks to @Shortdaysalready and @AttilaTheMeerkat for responding. It’s been good to get this down and reflect.
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I’m like this when I drink OP. It’s like all will power vanishes into the wind and I’ll just keep drinking and drinking and everything I’ve promised my partner goes to shit.

I no longer drink alcohol because it made me unreliable, unsafe and unfair.