Kissing someone else

[MatchaMama9]

Midlife crisis in full swing. 46, happily married, but dealing with existential dread if aging. Wanting to kiss someone else to relive youth and have a bit of a spark. Never been a merry, risky type of teen/young adult (too much responsibility and life was hard) and now regretting it so much. Wishing I can just go dancing and get drunk and kiss random hot guys. Or catch up with an old flame and have one kiss and that’s that, not have to have feelings or anything behind it, or beyond it. Any advice ?

That doesn’t sound ‘happily married’, OP.

How would you feel if your DH was kissing beautiful women and meeting up with old flames? If you’d be unbothered, perhaps have a conversation about it and see what he says.

If you want to stay happily married, dont do it.

As you've rightly spotted, you're reflecting on your life's might have been. Accept you did what seemed best or possible at the time. Be happy you ended up in a good place now.

Try to do something fresh with your husband. Take a day off and go out somewhere together.

Therapy.

My advice is get over yourself. If you’re happily married why would you want to kiss someone else? Would it really be just one kiss? Then what, have sex once with someone else? Then an affair?

Get a hobby or go for a walk or go do fun things together with your DH. Don’t risk what you have if you actually love your spouse and want to stay together.

I think you are aware of the ramifications of actually doing this so don't think you need to be told.
I get the feeling that you just want to know the easiest way to get past this phase.

I think everyone goes through a period like this at some point, dreaming what may have been, longing for that perceived excitement from a first kiss, those lingering glances, those flutters of possibility.
I'm here to tell you that the reality is fleeting. As a single female I get those bubbles of excitement once every 4 months or so and they very quickly pitter out into the reality of being alone.
It's a life filled with rejection, searching for someone to connect with, TV shows alone, turning over in bed to an empty space, not being able to debrief with someone after a film or hard day at work. It's not how it appears through rose tinted glasses.

I'd say the best idea is to try and find new things to do in your marriage that can provide a similar thrill or bubble of anticipation. Focus your energies on searching for that and implementing it. Speak to your partner about things you'd like to do, trips you'd like to take, try and find something that sparks out of what can be the monotony of long term relationships at times and you'll get yourself back on track.

I know what you mean…… sometimes you just want a bit of fun.

Advice? Grow up.
Otherwuse if you really want to go getting drunk and having flings with other guys then have the decency to end your marriage.

I don’t think that bodes well for your marriage tbh

@ForZanyAquaViewer I’d definitely be insanely jealous but also, in a toxic way, exciting to have other women lust after him but he’s all mine.

I need a sanity pill !

@FeralWoman thank you for the honesty/ reality check. I really appreciate it

@Rightandwrong I know right?!? What’s wrong with my head ?! It comes out of nowhere. Meanwhile I have a husband that shares parenting and housework equally. Supportive. Flawed of course, and the marriage isn’t without struggles. But he cooks, he puts kiddo to bed. He packs kiddo’s lunchbox every day. Makes me lunches and snacks and tea and takes me to surprise film screenings. I need to get over myself, clearly.

My advice? Don’t do it! If you are happily married, put your energies into your marriage.
The dating world is a shitshow and going out snogging people isn’t really what adults do. That’s teenager territory surely?
If your marriage isn’t good, that’s another matter. But why blow up your life if things are ok? The grass is greener where you water it, not necessarily on the other side.

@MatchaMama9 Oh, you’re in a rut? Groundhog Day and no excitement? Definitely talk to DH and do some fun things together. Have him pick you up for a movie like it’s a first date. Find somewhere to go dancing together and kiss him on the dance floor. Take a day off work together and once DC are off at school, have wild crazy sex all over the house. Go park the car somewhere and make out like you’re teenagers. Meet up for a date and pretend that you’ve never met before and have to get to know each other. Get some gorgeous or slutty lingerie. Buy some sex toys online together and enjoy trying them out together. I get it. DH and I have been married for 25 years. Sometimes it gets boring and you have to make it exciting again. Also, if your sex drive has suddenly gone up it might be perimenopause hormones or something like that. Your DH might want to strap in and enjoy the wild ride if you’re wanting to jump his bones more often!

@MatchaMama9
It's not an unusual feeling you have. Many women get hypersexual in the runup to peri. It's really not a sign that there is something wrong in your marriage, or with you. And of course it's natural to wonder and fantasise.
The pearl-clatching on this thread is also not unusual to MN.

What you do with it - is up to you. I don't think a bit of fantasising is an issue. Or even a bit of flirting. Marriage and childcare are a long slog, and it often becomes repetitive and bit boring. Some couples - if they are on the same page about it try to do things about it. Some just talk, others try things that they are comfortable with.
As you said you may get excited by other women finding your H attractive - you may be open to a little bit of experimentation. Maybe your H would be as well?
There are so many different ways of keeping the physical side of things exciting even in a long marriage - but you need to talk to H about it.