violent ex, making divorce a nightmare

[almostdivorced]

Title says it all really. Lived through a very violent marriage, and am now trying to get divorced, but he's putting in applications trying to make out I was the violent one (I wasn't, never have been) and trying to get the court to make me pay costs of divorce although the court found in my favour and have ordered him to pay costs.
I have very little money to live on and I'm supporting our children too. I've recently started receiving CSA payments after they started taking the money straight from his pay, but I'm counting pennies to get through each month.

I feel like I'm drowning, does anyone have similar experience, will the courts fall for his stories, that's all they are lies, I'm paying all my household bills and meeting monthly payments on debts he incurred in joint names, and yet he's trying to make out that he is paying all my bills too, which is actually really daft as I have proof I'm paying my own bills!!
I have a court date coming up, and really feel that should he start saying these things in court I will be compelled to stand up and yell 'Liar liar pants on fire'! The whole thing would be so funny if I werent actually living through it.

I'm a regular have name changed as he's been reading my posts and using them against me in court proceedings!

Oh yes and he reckons he's representing himself, however the affidavits that he's filed against me were most certainly not written by him. My solicitors were instructed to send all legal correspondance to a legal firm for the attention of ex, ex is not at all legally trained, and his written english is dreadful, the affidavits were word perfect and clearly written by someone with legal knowledge. Does anyone know if this is allowed, he appears to be getting legal assistance for free, under the guise that he's doing it all himself. So my bills are mounting and he's getting free help, all the while trying to increase my already huge pile of debts (left behind by him).

At least I'll be divorced very soon (cloud/silver lining and all that).

Well if he is representing himself, when he stands up in court he will have to use his own words there, won't he? And a grandiose arse he will look too, I dare say.

I don't have any experience I'm afraid, but I think if you can prove you pay your own bills, and one part of his story is a blatant lie, it discredits him as a reliable witness doesn't it?

I actually find courts very intimidating. Have you been before? Just tell the truth, don't cry, and have all your evidence to back you up. Try not to fall apart, just try to make sure you have all available evidence to back you up. Stop talking / arguing about the case now as you are revealing your defence, iykwim. If you argue with him, he knows what you are likely to say in court. Then he can prepare an argument to discredit you in court. Keep mum!

Best of luck to you. Hope all goes well.

He will trip himself up and show who he is. my ex did! and he had represtentation!! he exploded in the court room and was told to shut up by his leagl and the judge!!
I'm sure you'll be fine.

Oh God, thank you for replying, you know LW it didnt occur to me, but you are right, they'll figure it out as soon as we're in the court room that he did not write the affidavits himself.
Hopefully he will show his true colours in court, he's bringing up court cases left right and centre, I hope the woman who's helping him has a very long relationship with him, in which he treats her exactly as he did me.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. The courts have seen it all before. They won't be at all impressed by his posturing. They have the written facts in front of them and they will make a fair division with the children's welfare in first, last and middle place. I'm not an expert on how divorce courts work - I've recently been through one as have a number of colleagues and we've compared notes, and of course looked up a lot on the ever-blessed internet - but I wouldn't have thought it mattered who writes the affidavits either. If he says he's representing himself that just means they send the papers to him instead of his legal adviser. I think.

Almostdivorced, I wish the same to my xh's OW. May they have a long, miserable existence together

Yes, 'posturing'. Excellent word, Annie. Hope you feel a bit better, AD ((()))

amen !!!

i wish the same to my ex who is marrying his gf in two weeks.

op- you will be fine, i am sure that the courts see so much of this. keep your dignity, and be pleasant. show them how strong you are.

good luck

It was almost amusing at court. The judge was clearly trying to be nice to him as he's representing himself (on grounds of poverty apparently). He practically argued with her, in the end the judge did exactly as my solicitor had said. She remained very dignified throughout.

Ex is such an idiot, the judge was clearly ready to be sympathetic towards him and give him the benefit of the doubt. Well good for me I guess.

I so wish it hadn't descended to this

Very scary hearing next week for child access. Fingers crossed he pisses off everyone then.

thanks for lettingus know, what sort of tings got discussed today?