Been in a relationship for 4 years with a guy we are both 45 in the beginning it was great but I always felt my boundaries were compromised. He is a widow with a teenage son (17) and I have a grown up son (25). Firstly him and his female friend were sending each other gross porn as a 'laugh' and she was betting him that we would mastubate over it later, I found this to be upsetting and although I have 2 male friends not once has the conversation ever turned in that way. He told me she was a married friend and there was nothing in it. There were other incidents with another female friend were she was sending him reels on instagram late at night, he told me they were friends and that I was overreacting. He would then update his stories on instagram and tag other people in the post even though he was with me at the time and not them, to me it was suggesting he was with them and not me when at the sea side. I told him it felt off and he got mad and deleted his page even though I didn't want him to do so. He said he had to consider how his mother in law would feel viewing him moving on as she lost her daughter. Which I was totally on board with. Fast forward a few years later and I found he was confiding to his brother who said I was controlling and abusive, this lead to his mother and son being involved and a big public argument. I was devastated, I went to the doctors and went on antidepressant for the first time ever. It was over the fact he bought a plot of land to build a house and was in the process of buying another plot of land were he and his son would live. He kept this from me as he thought I would assume I would live there too, I told him after being together for 4 years there was nothing wrong with wanting to live together. I have my own home and a good job so for him to assume this made me feel belittled that normal things in a relationship (moving in, getting married, posting each other on socials) were abnormal. He would ruin special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries and say I was over reacting. I have now asked for space as I am not sure I can be in a relationship were things are not naturally progressing and where I feel such hate is aimed towards me. I am not perfect, but I often feel he'll make me react in way I have never reacted before with past relationships or with friends. Please help, any advice would be appreciated