We had planned to try for a second child but I don't think my relationship with DH is strong enough

[corona]

I always wanted two or three children, and so has DH. DD is now 15 months and we are talking about trying for another child. But our relationship is not a strong one. We were splitting up when I got accidentally pregnant, we both really wanted to make it work and got married when DD was 6 months. I wanted to postpone the wedding and go to Relate even then, but we decided to go ahead. I don't think DH really loves me, nor I him. We can't even really make eye contact, there is no real connection there, even though we do fancy each other and from the outside it probably looks good.

He is a lovely man, very supportive of me and a fantastic father. We haven't even been married a year yet. I don't want to split up but I can't picture a long term future. It's been gradually creeping up on me how depressed I am.

This sounds quite matter of fact but I really am very low, both about our desultory relationship and the thought that I might not have another child. I'm 37 btw, so even if we were to split up I am unlikely to meet someone else and have another chance

Why not go to Relate or similar now?

well look at it this way -- why not stay together to have another child if this is what you really want and then maybe split ? You have to maintain a family unit with him for DD why not another?

I don't think having another child when you are unsure about your marriage is a good idea.

Do the counselling thing and try to repair your relationship.

Im really sorry - this is very hard for you.

But I would definitely try relate - it would be worth the effort!

I think your instinct is right, now isn't a good time to work on having another baby. But if you feel like this now is a great time to work on you and your relationship with your DH.
You can always try for another baby once that is sorted.

I've suggested Relate before and DH is always resistant. To be honest I think I would just end up having to be honest and say that I don't love him and I can't see that there would be anyway back from that

I wouldn't bring another child into such an unstable relationship. Not only for the baby, but especially for your already existing child so you can focus on her if things go tits up. Should your marriage fail, then it'd be best to have a strong mother-daughter bond which will see you through any difficult times rather than having an infant vie for your attention and energy.

I have no personal experience on councelling but I think there are lots of women on MN who can point you into the right direction and help.

Although you say your relationship isn't strong, that you don't love your dh and think he does not love you, something has kept you together. I think it would help you if you could work out what that something is.

You said "we both really wanted to make it work", "we do fancy each other" and "I don't want to split up". You also said that you are depressed. Perhaps you have undiagnosed (I assume) PND?

You might feel that you don't love him, and perhaps you're right, but isn't it also possible that you are depressed and this is affecting your thinking? Perhaps a visit to your GP is called for, too.