How did you find out your partner was into same gender

[Icyotter]

Sorry if this is triggering for anyone, I am starting to wonder whether my husband is into the same gender. We have been together 10 years.

I wanted to ask anyone who has experienced this, how did you find out? Did you have certain issues?

I don't know whether this gut feeling is just me looking for answers why our intimate life has been very unfulfilling from the beginning-a lot of excuses, despite numerous attempts from me to try and resolve.

He's never shown any passion towards being being with me in that way, we have gone years without intimacy in the past. He's not depressed, has enthusiasm for other things.
After all the research I've done, it seems like it's either due to overuse of porn or same gender interests. I don't think it's another woman as he just doesn't seem interested in that, stays at home a lot.

I'm scared of saying too much incase it's outing but will respond. Thanks.

Could you not just ask him…?

Do you mean sex, as in you think he might be gay? How does he act around good looking men? Can you check his search history?

Messages from a secret Craigslist account & on his phone.

Do you want to break up with him? You don't need the excuese of him being gay, if you're unhappy with the lack of intimacy, that's reason enough.

What's the reason for you staying with him for a decade despite your sex life always being crap?

I wondered this but ive come to realise my soon to be exparrtner prefers to sleep with escorts and any other shiny new thing.
He could have a low sex drive but you could ask him amd explain you will still be friends if this is the case.
I hope you get some responses op , on here

Just to respond to some of your questions, I suppose I put up with the lack of intimacy in the bedroom because in other ways he was supportive. I've come to realise I have low self esteem so maybe that was part of it, we have a child and I feel like it needs to be something that is a deal breaker if I were to leave him and disrupt my LGs life.

I have spoken to him about a possible low sex drive but he's denied and refused to go to the GP. I've discovered he does still masturbate while hiding the fact he does this. I have asked him if he's gay and he's said he's not. He makes effort for a couple of weeks then it tails off again.

I know it's fine to leave a relationship if you're not happy but the main reason is financially I'd struggle and our LG absolutely loves him.

Something isn't adding up but I'm not sure what it is.

Yes, might be gay. Interesting question, around good looking men he seems to have a bit of a complex, or comes across a bit intimidated. He's conscious about his weight too.

Well, you've established that he is sexually functional so it's not that. The natural conclusion is that he prefers sex with someone or something else, and doesn't want it with you.

His actual sex life could be taking place with anything from porn/cam sex, a long-term affair partner, hookups of either sex, prostitutes, children, animals, grannies, statues or motorway bridges!

Some people feel sex is dirty and they shouldn't contaminate their spouse with it except to create children. These people often end up with strange kinks and odd habits, reflecting their perception of their sexual selves as shameful.

I know people who've continued affairs from before they were married, through both parties' marriages, are still married and still in their affairs. Over 30 years, in at least one case.

None of us can tell you why he doesn't want sex with you. You've asked and he's not saying. So the question is: are you content to stay married to someone whose sex life excludes you?

This person makes a good point.
If he isn't prepared to communicate then there isn't much hope regarding sex.
I've had enough of my situation and how it affects my self esteem but are situation differs
Good luck

Yes, this is exactly it, I feel stupid it's taken me years to realise this.
He's denied everything in the past and convinced me I was completely off track.
I did go through his phone recently and found an email to verify age. I don't know which website it was for.

Whatever it is, it's the fact he's denying everything. From the way he behaves and speaks I would never guess he's viewing anything like that. When we do have sex he behaves like it's his first time every time.

I think I will seriously have to look at how I can leave.

Age verification are usually for adult sites due to new safeguarding laws
Sites such as porn, gambling and escort sites for example
Did you see who the email was from? X

As someone else stated, if your husband is masturbating, then he is sexually functional. Unfortunately, if he's not prepared to discuss the issues, and wants to pretend nothing is wrong, then nothing is going to change. He could potentially have a low sex drive or/and low testosterone. Again, he refuses to speak to his GP, so you'll never know if that is the issue. Age verification is used for adult sites/gambling etc, so he's viewing something meant for over 18's. It could be he prefers porn, web cam girls, Only fans, escorts, an affair partner or he could be gay. You can't force him to be honest with you. I think it's a case of you deciding if you want to stay in a sexless (more or less) marriage? You can't change him, but you can change your situation.