In-laws show no interest in us or the kids.

[2babies2]

Please tell me if I’m being unreasonable?

Ive been with partner 7 years with 2 small ones. My partners parents are in mid, late 50’s and in good health. They go out etc, no issues driving to things they want to .They never come to see us or the kids. They tell everyone they are amazing grandparents and this is getting on my nerves. They come for a birthday if we are home and if not just leave the gift on the doorstep and that’s it.

My partner will ring them and they basically talk about themselves. I’ve kind of had it now with them. If they can’t be bothered to visit I make no effort to visit them either. They still tell people they are amazing grandparents. Friends parents do days out, visit and love their grandkids.

Is it petty of me to just not bother with them. I don’t want to teach my kids to chase people who make no effort in return. I have in the past sent them photos of the kids and they’ve put them on social media saying how much they love them. But I can’t see how they do?

Both their kids were kicked out at 18 and told to fend for themselves so I don’t think it’s a GC thing.

I find it quite confusing as they talk that they are a close family but really it doesn’t feel like it. I only have my own experience to go on and my parents are what I would call close.

Why are you surprised that they are not interested in the DGC?
I wouldn't be saying anything about it to DH. He can't control them or change them, just enjoy your own parents.
Accept that they will never be close inlaws. Job done.

Then why on earth are you surprised they have no interest in their grandchildren?

Misplaced hope I think.

Don't be surprised when things change drastically when one or both have health issues in the future. In my experience, self absorbed people tend to expect that everything will be dropped by family in order to care for them.

I honestly think that if MIL had been born now she wouldn't have children and had them just because that's what you did after you got married. She went back to work when the kids started school and effectively left the kids to be cared for by her own mother. And FIL isn't much better he just seems to think the kids should be dragged along to what ever they want to do. Which where often not child friendly activities.

Yanbu not to bother with them as they don’t bother with you. Buy yabu to obsess over it just move on with your day and accept them for who they are. Don’t go and see them unless you’re invited to something you and the kids want to go or let your DH take them

Crap parents make crap grandparents. It'd be worse for your husband if they took more interest in your kids than they did in him.

Don’t bother with them. Don’t bring up Xmas gifts for them without dh and stay silent.

Same with MIL - she's just not bothered.

Think part of it is entitlement where she feels that the children should always come to her, but she doesn't even bother calling. Ever.

My own mother visits from California frequently and FaceTimes them all regularly and they call her, update her about their activities.

At one stage, we were seeing my mom more frequently than MIL who lives 1.5miles away.

Initially I organised the kids going over for visits, but MIL then started making rude comments about me to BIL, so now it's up to DH to organise.

The relief is incredible :)

No advice OP, but similar situation over here. I’ve given up trying with them and I do feel relief. I’ll be pleasant when I see them but no more running around forcing contact.
Now to work on not thinking about it and winding myself up about it!