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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I wrong with DH

4 replies

Worriedalltheday · 10/09/2025 13:40

Dh lost a family member a few months ago. He was NC with them after some awful things said and done for a while. This awful behaviour was a pattern and done to other family members. There have also been issues within the family and I have always supported him. However the loss was tragic and dh seems to be stuck there. I know the loss has been recent and they are dealing with all the emotions around it, especially as they were NC.

Dh has been so withdrawn, often ignores me, sarcastic at times, and just completely absorbed in this. I asked him if he wants counselling, how can I help etc.
We just had an argument today and he stormed off.
He just ignores me when I speak to him, and then pretends he didn’t do it. I’m right there in front of him. And then he very sarcastically speaks to me and then I just had enough.
So he throws in my face how I don’t even support him when all I have done is support him. He has suddenly want to reach out to family members that also haven’t been good to him at all, and now thinks all these people are great.

was I wrong for telling him that I won’t be treated like this, even though it is only 2 months into the grief?

OP posts:
Gentlydoesit2 · 10/09/2025 13:47

Treating you that way is unacceptable no matter what he's going through. I don't mean to sound sarcastic at all but have you ever suffered real loss and gone through the grief cycle? I think until you have it's really hard to empathise with someone going through it. I would give him space, let him come to you. If he keeps being an ass then maybe counselling would help him

Worriedalltheday · 10/09/2025 13:55

@Gentlydoesit2I have suffered loss deeply - a parent’s suicide and my own 3rd trimester loss. I have been very understanding but I have suffered so much in my life that I don’t want to be an emotional punching bag for any more hurt especially when I have really given him space and kept quiet a lot of the times.

OP posts:
Rightandwrong · 10/09/2025 15:33

I am so sorry about the grief you have suffered yourself OP.
And you are totally right: you don't deserve the treatment your H is giving you. And you are right to call him out on it.

ThreePears · 10/09/2025 15:41

Just because he is grieving and going through a very difficult emotional time, it doesn't give him the right to be unpleasant to you.

You are not in the wrong for being unwilling to tolerate his nastiness.

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