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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What is wrong with me??

3 replies

Givemyheadawobble99 · 09/09/2025 22:26

I've got no idea what is going on with my head recently. I've been happily married for nearly 23 years. We get on great (most of the time), neither of us has a massive sex drive, kids are now adult but still living at home and settled and hoping to move out, so this is kind of our time to shine. I've had some health problems, but lost about 4 stone, back in a size 12 clothes, and feeling healthier than I have been for years (and more attractive and hotter as a consequence - as much as any 46 year old anyway). Generally in a really good place.

But recently, husband asked me to help someone he knows through a sport he plays, who was separating from his wife (I have experience in family law), and so I have had numerous conversations with this guy mostly over the telephone, a couple in person, messages back and forth. Absolutely all above the line, nothing inappropriate, only in relation to legal stuff. Now this man is very easy on the eye, a similar age to me, and the other week I saw him take his top off to change (at the sport they play together), he has a body you dream about, and now my mind is all kind of obsessed with him. He popped into my dream the other night and I keep having this weird fantasy, imagination affair???? I'm even feeling guilty for having weird rude thoughts about this man

Is this peri-menopause playing havoc with me - I've got no idea what is going on and this is completely out of character. I think I'm just hoping someone will tell me that I'm not completely losing the plot and this will pass.........

OP posts:
Franksmonster · 09/09/2025 22:28

It's a crush and they're only thoughts! Just enjoy it 🤣

Don't beat yourself up about it (as long as you're not planning on crossing any actual lines here)

needsalotterywin · 11/09/2025 16:28

Franksmonster · 09/09/2025 22:28

It's a crush and they're only thoughts! Just enjoy it 🤣

Don't beat yourself up about it (as long as you're not planning on crossing any actual lines here)

Totally agree with this.
I do understand the inner turmoil though, having been in a similar situation with an ex work colleague (god he was sexy!)
Could well be peri messing with you, I'm the same age as you and I put my crush down to that (also married so never did anything about it)...our hormones go batshit!
I ended up leaving that job as we moved to a different part of the country and I literally got over it as soon as I stopped seeing him.
As Franksmonster says, don't beat yourself up but don't cross or even blur the lines - it will pass x

Givemyheadawobble99 · 13/09/2025 20:51

Thank you so much for your replies. I was starting to think that I was losing my mind with this weird obsession. It is proper teenage schoolgirl fascination. Bloody hormones 😩

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