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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband AWoL

6 replies

Wha7do1do · 09/09/2025 22:08

Over the weekend I've started to doubt my marriage

Husband has depression but misses meds left right and centre. That has meant him being a bit sketchy - getting thrown out of a bar for arguing with the bar man, getting frustrated by me calling out this, when I questioned if he's taken his meds (clearly hadn't)

I view the issue to be his, so the fact he works away means we've not had time to talk this through, nor have we been in touch at all over last few days.

I don't want to cause an issue but this isnt the the first of these situations- I've excused it in the past(ish) but I'm feeling that this time i need to let him see that this is his issue not mine....thoughts?!

OP posts:
Rightandwrong · 09/09/2025 22:18

I'm a bit confused by your post OP.
When you say he is Awol do you mean literally that you don't know where he is? Or do you mean he is mentally cut himself off from you?
Also when you say you consider " the issue to be his" do you mean the issue of him not taking his medication. Or do you mean you don't see supporting him with his depression as anything to do with you?

Original poster
Wha7do1do · 09/09/2025 22:33

Rightandwrong · 09/09/2025 22:18

I'm a bit confused by your post OP.
When you say he is Awol do you mean literally that you don't know where he is? Or do you mean he is mentally cut himself off from you?
Also when you say you consider " the issue to be his" do you mean the issue of him not taking his medication. Or do you mean you don't see supporting him with his depression as anything to do with you?

No idea where he is now - works away but no communication since he left home Monday morning in a major strop.

No issue with supporting his mental health, but the issue re not taking meds, getting angry etc he surely needs to take responsibility for?!

OP posts:
Rightandwrong · 09/09/2025 22:45

I agree OP. You can't force him to take his medication. He is an adult.
I know it's one thing to know it's his responsibility but quite another not to worry about it.

AutumnFroglets · 09/09/2025 22:59

I don't want to cause an issue

The issue has already been caused. By him.

If he refuses to take his meds, or refuses to go back to the GP, you have two choices. Either accept being treated like a doormat or leave. He won't change and you cannot fix him. Even professionals cannot fix him.

toottoot3 · 11/09/2025 23:01

You can support someone whilst still having boundaries. You can't force him to take meds, but as a partner you should know if he is dealing with his depression or not. If he doesn't care, you don't have too

Mumptynumpty · 12/09/2025 11:32

What is acceptable for you? You cannot change him and he doesn't seem interested in taking responsibility for his health or the impact his poor management is having on him or you.

You are not causing an issue. His choices, subsequent actions and lack of communication are.

Do you want this to continue? If not what are your options?

It seems like on many levels you are in this on your own. He doesn't seem to care about that factor.

Again, is this the life you want?

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