I just want to be me

[OneDiamondSapphireStars]

I’ve been married for 20 years. I’ve got children but soon to be all adults. I work but part time. I also care for someone in the family. I should feel grateful and thankful for how lucky I am? But instead I feel trapped? I just want to be me sometimes, not someone’s wife, mum, etc.

Is this really selfish of me?

I think we all feel that sometimes.

As your kids transition to independent life you may have more freedom and space for yourself. I guess a lot depends on whether they’re going to leave home though.

Can you do something nice, for you, once a week? I don’t know what you’re into but exercise is, for me, ‘me time’.

Not selfish
more recognition that life is moving on and you need to work out what you plan to do with yours
there may always be constraints but as children fledge it leaves some space and less responsibility- fill it wisely or you will be the dumping ground for everyone else’s life

Why can’t you do all these things (mum, wife) and be you?

It can be hard but you need to be selfish some days and give yourself time, go out for the day with friends, do a hobby you like etc, make it a regular thing and it will help.

Not selfish at all. Sometimes we need to check out of life occasionally. Can you set aside a specific time where u get time to urself and do as you wish? Good luck OP.

I think this is a totally valid feeling OP and one that many of us reach after years and years of caring for children and elderly relatives. What would help? Would you like to work full time and/or get a different job? Can you carve out regular time just for you and spend it doing something you love?