Inappropriate messages?

[Annie05]

I don't know what to do. I don't think I trust my husband and it's making me act differently around him but I don't feel I can confront him about it, because I'd have to tell him I check his phone from time to time. I know this is a massive breach of trust but I feel that way because of things that have happened in the past - a couple of messages he's received (one he said was sent to him in error by a work colleague and the other was from someone in the gaming community he didn't know). I believed him but now don't know if I was just naive in the past. When I've checked his phone recently a lot of his history is cleared and his messages are too (apart from ones to family and boy mates). I've recently seen a message from someone in his football coaching group saying "Morning 👀 xx". His Twitter searches were "pussy" and "dm me", and he's searched on Instagram for some gamers who don't wear much. He also has Snapchat in a secure folder. I feel completely sick typing this, but my gut just feels something is off and I'm questioning the person I feel safest around. We've been together for 10 years and have 2 kids (1 a stepchild from his previous relationship).

I’m an adult and have Snapchat. I mainly send my SIL endless pictures of my cats.

OP you’re about to waste a lot of time worrying about this, building up evidence, talking with him, arguing with him, giving him yet another chance etc etc.

Fact is… you should just jump to the bit where you start getting your shit sorted so you can leave him because I think it’s fairly obvious your husband is on the hunt for ex marital shenanigans and, even if he isn’t, on the basis of that search history alone - you should be utterly disgusted enough to never want to share a bed with him again

As hard as it is to accept, OP, this is who he is. The person you thought he was does not exist, so there is nothing to reclaim there. There is nothing to ‘rebuild’, because it wasn’t built in the first place.

It’s vanishingly unlikely that he is going to do a 180 on his behaviour and mentality, as he clearly thinks it’s OK to do this. He’s already lied to you with no care whatsoever. This is who he is.

Rather than dwell on the life your child will have with separated parents, I would consider what life they will have with a father who does not respect his marriage and family and a mother who is resentful, depressed and anxious all the time.