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Original poster

Should I give him another chance ?

25 replies

Messeduplady · 08/09/2025 22:54

A year ago I was seeing someone , I knew him from school but we’d only been going out about 4 weeks and I unexpectedly fell pregnant. He freaked out and I ended up going through an abortion on my own.

A year on he’s reached out to me, explaining how sorry he is and that he was in a really bad place , battling demons himself and he regrets how he reacted. He wants to meet to talk , says that he’s never gotten over me and wants to see if there’s anything there. He explained he’s sorted himself out, sorted out his issues and in a much better place.

I can’t deny we had the start of something good at the time and I’m tempted to meet him to talk. I need to see if there’s something still there but at the same time I’m scared of getting hurt. Can someone change and sort themselves you? Is it worth giving him the chance to explain and redeem himself?
or has what he’s done to much to forgive and I’d be stupid?

OP posts:
Beachtastic · 08/09/2025 22:57

4 weeks is super fast to be excited about having a baby with someone. If the relationship was good until that point, I'd give it another whirl if you want to.

TalulaHalulah · 08/09/2025 23:03

I think I would certainly accept the apology and the explanation, but why was it okay for him to freak out and leave you to have an abortion? What if you had been ‘battling demons’? What if it caused you difficulties emotionally? Has he actually asked how you coped? I think what and whether he had asked about me would be important not just what he was thinking or not thinking at the time.
You say you need to see if there is something still there so it sounds like you will go ahead and see him. But I am not sure whether you would be able to get past the worry that next time something big and unexpected happens, he will be out the door.

Pyjamatimenow · 08/09/2025 23:04

Nope. Men do know very quickly if you’re the one. Baby or no baby. He’s probably just bored

Rorys · 08/09/2025 23:07

No. He left you dealing with that alone because he was scared (about something not actually happening to him)
now he’s sorry, he wants to meet, he wants to try again, he’s never gotten over you, he wants forgiveness, he wants to explain himself he wants you to give him another chance. It’s all about him.

Lmnop22 · 08/09/2025 23:13

4 weeks or not, wanting to stay in the relationship or not, you don’t just leave someone to abort your baby alone.

You both made a mistake to get into that situation and he’s just shown how little he cared for you in that moment when you really needed him and not just a year on when he’s single and lonely and looking for sex.

If I were you, I would “borrow” a friend’s 3 month old, go and meet him and say you couldn’t go through with the abortion - you’ll see his true colours then! (In jest, but I would love to be a fly on that wall!)

Leteveryoneseeit · 08/09/2025 23:23

Lmnop22 · 08/09/2025 23:13

4 weeks or not, wanting to stay in the relationship or not, you don’t just leave someone to abort your baby alone.

You both made a mistake to get into that situation and he’s just shown how little he cared for you in that moment when you really needed him and not just a year on when he’s single and lonely and looking for sex.

If I were you, I would “borrow” a friend’s 3 month old, go and meet him and say you couldn’t go through with the abortion - you’ll see his true colours then! (In jest, but I would love to be a fly on that wall!)

Nope.

He couldn’t support you at the time or even in the very looooong year since. Either he feels a bit of guilt and needs your forgiveness to make himself feel better or he is curious if you went thru with it or his subsequent relationship has fallen through.

All scenarios are self serving.

He doesn’t deserve your headspace, time or energy to assuage his guilt / curiosity or sex drive.

’Demons’ a huuuuuge red flag - either it’s a lazy attempt at an excuse or he has significant unsupported MH issues - both of which don’t add to your life.

Are you hoping he will fall madly back in love with you?

SandyY2K · 08/09/2025 23:23

Accept the apology and leave it there. I'm not surprised he freaked out after 4 weeks... but he should have supported you through the termination.

smallsilvercloud · 08/09/2025 23:29

He would have stuck by you by didn’t, I wouldn’t trust him, he wants a shag that’s all, then suddenly he won’t be ‘ready’ for anything more.

Rainbowqueeen · 08/09/2025 23:34

No.

He's shown that he can't be relied on when things get tough. That is not someone I would want or deserve in my life. Don't you think you deserve better?

NeverOneBiscuit · 08/09/2025 23:39

No.

He behaved terribly, it would always be there as a wedge between you. Plus you’d never (rightly) trust him.

Pastures new.

ILoveWhales · 08/09/2025 23:41

No. You are only together 4 weeks. You already didn't practice safe sex and then he freaked out and left you with it. This isn't someone you can rely on.

Too much has happened for it to ever run smoothly. Move on.

StrongandNorthern · 08/09/2025 23:41

No. No. No.
Learn from your experience.

MooDengOfThailand · 08/09/2025 23:43

No.
He's a fuck boy looking for fuck.
He must be delighted that you had an abortion.

summitfever · 08/09/2025 23:51

Left you in the shit op, fgs tell him to do one!

HalzTangz · 08/09/2025 23:54

Leave the past in the past and move on, find a decent man who doesn't bolt at the first hurdle

supercali77 · 09/09/2025 00:05

No way. 'Freaked out' so went awol for a year without a word...that only works if you're 16. He was an adult who should have known accidental pregnancy was a possibility, but couldn't handle the consequences. It's good that he's offering an apology but you owe him nothing else.

Bananalanacake · 09/09/2025 08:48

If you do give him another chance insist he uses condoms, if he refuses dump the selfish bastard.

TreeDudette · 09/09/2025 08:51

No. That was his opportunity to step up and show you he was a good man and he failed. He's now just chancing his arm. I have plenty of shit going on in my life but I show up consistently for people I care about. He helped create the pregnancy, the least he could do was support you through ending it. Wanker!

TwistedWonder · 09/09/2025 08:58

Absolutely no. I can understand him being freaked out and needing a few days to get his head round it but then he should have stepped up, not a year later.
Too little too late mate. He’s shown you how he deals with difficult situations - he runs.

Gonk123 · 09/09/2025 09:01

So is that how he always handles stress…run away?! What was so bad to leave you at such an awful time? We all have our troubles but seriously….ditching someone at a time like that. Nah…stay away

Girlmom35 · 09/09/2025 09:04

He has shown you very clearly how he behaves in difficult situations.
Some people go through difficult times and still manage to be there for the people who need them.
He's not one of those people.

He has shown you that when he's struggling, he will withdraw, abandon you and only think of himself. I don't know what kind of life you want, but any kind of scenarion where you want a reliable partner doesn't include him. Imagine you ever have a diffidult pregnancy, a baby with health issues, you fall ill, financial troubles, ... You've seen what he does.
Accept his apology and move on.

ForTipsyFinch · 09/09/2025 09:25

Absolutely not.

The ‘freaking out’ whilst some may argue is natural is not the response of a mature man. I doubt that will have changed in a year.

He’s probably newly single and casting the net.

XxwiccaxX · 09/09/2025 18:45

Did he even ask how you coped going through it? For majority of women an abortion can be traumatising and they grieve, you had to do that alone because of him.

GammonAndEgg · 09/09/2025 18:55

I think anyone who is asking ‘should I give him another chance’ is asking because deep down they know themselves it’s a ‘no’, but are hoping that someone else will say ‘yes’.

user2848502016 · 09/09/2025 20:59

No
He let you down when you needed support- he didn’t have to want the baby but he could have supported you through the abortion.
Sounds like a lot of “me me me” in that apology, did he ask how you coped going through that alone?
Not a good sign.

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