I was single for many years after experiencing a traumatic and thankfully relatively short lived relationship with a sociopath. That did result in a child who I brought up on my own and who is growing into a happy and balanced person. I’d said to myself I’d stay single to not overly complicate my child’s life and to ensure I focus on what really matters.
A couple of years ago I met a man who I went on to fall in love with, came out of nowhere really and we were together for 18 months. It all started well, as these things do but, as we got to know one another and as time went on, I realised something was off. We always lived apart and I was very careful around him getting to know my daughter slowly. I started to see emotional deregulation at times from him, inability to listen and generally quite challenging alongside some enduring positive traits. He said the right things but closed down almost entirely when there was any issue. I’d explained from the start I’d been through a lot and that I wasn’t sure how things would pan out. I’m cognisant of my own fears and defensiveness, after that relationship with my child’s paternal side.
So it’s culminated in me calling time, I’m so disappointed and grieving what could have been. I also know what I want and need, not only for me but for my beautiful child. I’m relieved in a sense but mourning what I see as one last chance of emotional happiness. My child’s paternal has been kept clear of any of this and we carry on with the lives we have, I’m completely self sufficient and none of that has changed. I’m just so sad and feel like I’ve failed in so many ways. I’m pushing 50 and I really thought that I might have this one dialled.
Not looking for anything else now, wasn’t before I met him but can there really be a relationship that doesn’t totally mess with your head? I live in hope! :)