for those of you with partners who are not the parents of your children

[stoppinattwo]

How to you deal with discipline??

i know that your partner should feel as though they can discipline your children - They are after all part of the family, but do you find it hard to stand back and listen....particularly if you maybe dont agree??

if i don't agree with the issue or way of discipline then i tend to get a bit cross with him. but we disagree on our dc together too, he is harsher than me.

we have a non smacking rule though.

My dp is the father of both our kids - I often dont agree with him / and vice versa! Sometimes I say things - I dont agree with

when i first met dp i told him that i was not looking for a father for dd1 and that he had no need to behave as such

however he and dd1 changed the rules when she learnt to talk and decided to call him daddy despite the fact that my family and i referred to him by his name in front of her not 'daddy'. dp actually liked this and has been her dad ever since.

i dont mind him disciplining her, i expect him to do his part, but i do find it hard when i disagree with his course of action, i.e. i dont believe that she should be shouted at or screamed at as aggressively as he does the best way to deal with dd1 is usually to 'talk her down' when she is misbehaving.

i deal with this by waiting untill dd1 is not there and we discuss it calmly he will tell me why he thought his punishment was necessary and i will tell him how i thought he could have handled it better and we agree on what we should do if the same event repeats.

i never tell him i dont think he should be going that far in front of dd1 and he does the same with me as this confuses her.

Im asking only because i overheard a friends DP shouting at her DS and he was quite angry with him...I wasnt judging him but it suddenly occured to me I would find it very hard to listen to someone telling my DC's off even if they were in the wrong. I think you must be very strong and have a trusting relationship to be able to give them free reign iykwim..... (mean all this in a v honest non confrontational way)

Blimey....I find it hard listening th DP telling our own DC's off sometimes I want to take his head off....although i would never undermine him infront ofthem. If i dont agree I will tned to tell him afterwards

i have a 3yr old dd, and my partner takes an active role with her, we tend to have the same ideas re disipline, but if I felt uncomfortable about he he was doing it I would speak up and lay down some ground rules.

it isn't much of an issue for us at the moment as we don't live together but we are moving n together in a few weeks!

Minor issues yes
Major issues no
Shouting or major confrontation no.

We have 3 dss between us, and one dd of our own. Made it through 8 years....

I still get annoyed with dp if he lays into my ds too much.

I believe the role that a step parent should adopt is that of mentor or friend esp ith older dc

we agreed that I would do the telling off bit and DH would back me up.. for our own dd we tend to do the same.

Absolutely, fizzbuzz. You can't have someone 'automatically' walk into a parenting role when a children / children are anything from 2+ I would say. They are strangers!

I say this as a stranger myself, met my Dh when his daughter was 4. I let him deal with any 'issues.'

I love her but she's not my daughter, it's not my responsibility to bring her up, make the rules etc (however this is made easier by the fact we only have her weekends, if that).

I can see problems ahead when we don't let our dd do things that dsd does, or when dd has chores and dsd doesn't. However there is a big age gap, so that should help! (sorry, rambling now!)