Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I avoiding being alone with my DP?

10 replies

saltylindor · 08/09/2025 17:57

A friend of mine made a comment about my relationship the other day saying that I seemed to do everything I could to avoid being home alone with my boyfriend and that when she was with her husband just a year she just wanted to be alone with him all the time, the implication being that I'm not as keen on him as I make out. Me and my partner are both mid 40's and have been together a year now. It is true we go out a lot and I like to use my free time to see my friends and family and enjoy visiting and if not that then getting out and about to the shops or day trips. I do think my partner would like to be home more but when we are home he does typically want sex which I enjoy but not as frequently as him.

I do like him a lot it's true that when we met he wasn't the most handsome guy I've dated but compared to the others he's been really reliable, honest and kind which stands for a lot. I've had boyfriends I have been crazy about who treated me like crap. We are planning to move in together later this year and I am worried about that as I've never lived with a partner before, he has been previously married and divorced. I don't know I just feel a bit hurt and upset by her comments.

OP posts:
yeesh · 08/09/2025 17:58

Well it sounds like you are avoiding being with him on your own as you don’t want to have sex with him?

notatinydancer · 08/09/2025 18:00

I probably wouldn’t move in with him.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/09/2025 18:02

Why are you hurt? She’s right, you just wrote it in your OP

bert3400 · 08/09/2025 18:08

I think after a year, it's a bit odd but everyone is different. Are you actively avoiding him ?

saltylindor · 08/09/2025 18:31

I don't think I am actively avoiding him, in a sense this is just what I enjoy. I'm a really social person and he is the first partner I've had who has been happy to fall in line with this. I do want to have sex with him but perhaps not as frequently as he want to. I think its normal as we are older that the relationship is less about sex and more about living life together. I suppose I just wonder if I should be wanting to be it just the two of use more often at this stage?

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 08/09/2025 18:46

Your friend is right.

He wants sex when you stay home. You go out in part to avoid having sex with him. Your sex drives are incompatible.

If you move in with him, your sexual incompatibility is going to really come front and center. How are you going to avoid sex with him when you're in the same home?

You want companionship. He wants sex.

I think moving in together is a big mistake.

RockingBeebo · 08/09/2025 18:46

My relationship of 4 years (are both early 50s) is a lot about the sex - but we also really enjoy being sociable and definitely don't want to be alone together all the time. We never did. Part of what I like about the relationship is how sociable he is.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 08/09/2025 18:57

when we are home he does typically want sex which I enjoy but not as frequently as him

This will fester and one of you will end up deeply unhappy if you continue.

saltylindor · 08/09/2025 19:02

RockingBeebo · 08/09/2025 18:46

My relationship of 4 years (are both early 50s) is a lot about the sex - but we also really enjoy being sociable and definitely don't want to be alone together all the time. We never did. Part of what I like about the relationship is how sociable he is.

Yeah this is it, I had boyfriends in the past who just wouldn't want to go out with me to see friends and family so I really value that he seems happy to be very social. He's Spanish and I think he enjoys being part of my social group as he is fairly new to the UK and it's hard to make new friends here after a certain age I think.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/09/2025 19:25

OP you said he would like to be home more but he wants sex and you don’t want that as much, and that he’s not the most attractive guy you’ve dated. That doesn’t sound like love does it? Sounds like you avoid being home with him more to avoid being with him more

New posts on this thread. Refresh page