Hi all…I’m 25, my partners 29, and we’ve been in a long distance relationship for a year, we live 2 hours from each other. It’s my first long distance relationship and in all honesty this is the best relationship I’ve had as the connection we have is something I’ve never experienced or never thought I’d find, but I'm aware I have quite bad attachment issues and it’s really hard considering we’re long distance.
My partner drives but I don’t, so we’re only able to see each other when he comes to me, especially as I suffer with anxiety and can’t get on public transport, so I’m unable to travel to him. Every two weeks he’ll come and spend the weekend at mine but I really struggle when he leaves…it’s like the minute he goes I don’t know what to do with myself, I sometimes break down in tears when he’s saying goodbye to me, it’s particularly bad the following day after he’s left, I’ll have no motivation for anything and will feel really depressed and won’t want to eat. Long distance can also make my anxiety work overtime and can genuinely be tough as if he says he’s out with his friend then disappears for a few hours I’ll instantly start overthinking and panicking but that’s something else I need to work on.
I suffer from very bad depression…I struggle/can’t get out the house by myself, I barely eat, barely keep on top of hygiene and I’m currently out of work due to my mental health. I know me being in a bad mental state and having nothing going on in my life doesn't help as it means my whole world literally revolves around him as I genuinely don’t even have friends or anyone else to talk to or do things with but him, which can kinda be unhealthy…the only time I feel happy and care free is when I’m with him, only time I get out my house is when I’m with him etc. When he’s not with me I spend the whole time at home waiting for him to come back and trying to make time pass by. I believe if I had friends it may help a bit as I’d have other people I could talk to and go out with rather then being reliant on him. I’m really emotionally reliant on him and I’ve become very dependent on him, in the sense that I think the only reason my depressions feels like it’s “gone” is because he’s in my life which I guess isn’t necessarily bad as he distracts me and brings positive energy into my life but I know it’s just masking it all.
I realise I need to get a bit of a life for myself as it entirely revolves around him although I’m unable to work right now due to my mental state but even maybe a hobby or something just so I have something going on other than him but I’m really struggling. The attachment issues I have with him are pretty bad, he stayed this weekend and left an hour ago and it’s like the minute he leaves my spark and smile goes and I’m back to being depressed, I’m just lying here on my bed feeling sad and desperately wanting to see him again. I spend all day waiting for him to call me or reply back to me again maybe because I don’t have anyone else to talk to.
Not sure what replies I’m expecting from this just needed to get this off my chest. I love my partner and wouldn’t change our relationship but I’m aware I have unhealthy attachment issues most likely due to my mental health.