Friend with benefits or similar

SafeSex · 2025-09-07T22:29:42+00:00

I've given up trying to find a meaningful relationship, but I'd quite like to have sex while I still have a sex drive (I'm in my 50s). Does anyone have any advice? I suppose it's going to come down to some sort of website as I never meet anyone irl, but it would be good to have some recommendations, or even to know which ones to avoid to minimise putting myself at risk. Not into anything kinky and would prefer to avoid unwittingly helping someone to cheat, if that's even possible. Thanks.

MonsterBoo · 07/09/2025 23:55

Any dating app as that’s what most men are looking for anyway

YetanotherNC25 · 08/09/2025 08:54

Agree that the apps will be a good option. Tinder is the largest and has the most people. If you say you’re looking for something casual or FWB to make it clear that should be ok. Be aware you need photos of yourself or you’ll look like you’re cheating. Be resilient.
You may get some matches, not everyone chats. And after you’ve chatted to some you’ll realise why.
Be careful as some female profiles want you to add them on socials to increase their following or will send you links to their website (extorting cash). It’s a nightmare for my male friends but if you don’t meet someone IRL there’s little option.
Also so many photos are filtered expect them to look different in real life. This is the same for men and women. Use recent photos.
Obviously use condoms and get tested regularly if you’re having multiple sexual encounters.

ARichtGoodDram · 08/09/2025 08:59

Fabswingers is another one.

The pros are you can see verifications from other people so can get an idea of someone's reliability.

The cons are there are about 19278271 men for every woman so women get a shit tonne of messages. So if you do join fab use all of the available message filters to limit mail you get, and possibly even just block all guys from messaging and then message the ones you like the look of directly.

Keep face photos private and share them in messages after swapping a few rather than have them public.

Original poster

SafeSex · 08/09/2025 19:56

MonsterBoo · 07/09/2025 23:55

Any dating app as that’s what most men are looking for anyway

Ha! Yes, fair point.

I dated someone a few years ago who stressed on his profile that he was looking for something serious, "so as not to waste anybody's time". Complete bullshit. He had no intention of committing to anything (or indeed anyone) in any way, shape or form.

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Original poster

SafeSex · 08/09/2025 20:00

YetanotherNC25 · 08/09/2025 08:54

Agree that the apps will be a good option. Tinder is the largest and has the most people. If you say you’re looking for something casual or FWB to make it clear that should be ok. Be aware you need photos of yourself or you’ll look like you’re cheating. Be resilient.
You may get some matches, not everyone chats. And after you’ve chatted to some you’ll realise why.
Be careful as some female profiles want you to add them on socials to increase their following or will send you links to their website (extorting cash). It’s a nightmare for my male friends but if you don’t meet someone IRL there’s little option.
Also so many photos are filtered expect them to look different in real life. This is the same for men and women. Use recent photos.
Obviously use condoms and get tested regularly if you’re having multiple sexual encounters.

I'm in my 50s, not in my teens. Therefore I'm aware of both Tinder and condoms!

Not sure why I would want to add women "on socials".

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Original poster

SafeSex · 08/09/2025 20:02

ARichtGoodDram · 08/09/2025 08:59

Fabswingers is another one.

The pros are you can see verifications from other people so can get an idea of someone's reliability.

The cons are there are about 19278271 men for every woman so women get a shit tonne of messages. So if you do join fab use all of the available message filters to limit mail you get, and possibly even just block all guys from messaging and then message the ones you like the look of directly.

Keep face photos private and share them in messages after swapping a few rather than have them public.

Thanks.

I think the trouble with all of these avenues is that it's like finding a needle in a thousand haystacks.

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ARichtGoodDram · 08/09/2025 20:07

Tbh in your shoes if you're in an area of the country where any of the big organised socials are on Fab that's where I'd start.

It's Fab, but without the hassle of trying to weed out the randoms. They're a safe location (usually a pub or function venue). Everyone there is looking for similar things. Usually the hosts only invite verified guys.

Might be a bit daunting, but definitely a safer way to do things imo.

YetanotherNC25 · 08/09/2025 20:13

SafeSex · 08/09/2025 20:00

I'm in my 50s, not in my teens. Therefore I'm aware of both Tinder and condoms!

Not sure why I would want to add women "on socials".

Show quote history

Go for it. The high rate of STI’s in the more mature age group will tell you that not everyone is. Once pregnancy isn’t a risk the STI’s go through the roof.
Try dating sites and you’ll see what I mean. You might want to amend your approach if you’re looking to attract anyone too. You come across as somewhat hostile.

Original poster

SafeSex · 08/09/2025 20:57

ARichtGoodDram · 08/09/2025 20:07

Tbh in your shoes if you're in an area of the country where any of the big organised socials are on Fab that's where I'd start.

It's Fab, but without the hassle of trying to weed out the randoms. They're a safe location (usually a pub or function venue). Everyone there is looking for similar things. Usually the hosts only invite verified guys.

Might be a bit daunting, but definitely a safer way to do things imo.

Thanks, I didn't know about the social events so that's very useful intel. I'm in London, so presumably there are some here.

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ARichtGoodDram · 08/09/2025 21:27

I'm sure there are some in London. I know there are in Leeds, Manchester and Birmingham so I can't imagine London is without.

The one big plus they have is that guys playing away behind their wives backs' are very unlikely to show face at larger events due to the risk of being caught.

Original poster

SafeSex · 08/09/2025 21:37

ARichtGoodDram · 08/09/2025 21:27

I'm sure there are some in London. I know there are in Leeds, Manchester and Birmingham so I can't imagine London is without.

The one big plus they have is that guys playing away behind their wives backs' are very unlikely to show face at larger events due to the risk of being caught.

Yes, that's a good point.

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Elixir86 · 08/09/2025 22:27

You also need to be quite clear on what FWB means to you, be clear and don't get pushed into something that doesn't fit what you want.

Are you seeing it as one off hook ups, completely casual regular sex as and when required, sex with someone who gives you a "friendship" of sorts but without romance/relationship vibes ie you can watch TV after or grab a coffee sometimes.
You'll find that people will use FWB to describe all of the above.

I'd say most see it as one off hook ups, well from my experience anyway.
Nothing against that myself (although not for me) but you'll quickly see that many men will go along with your interpretation of FWB to serve their own desires.

Original poster

SafeSex · 08/09/2025 23:46

Elixir86 · 08/09/2025 22:27

You also need to be quite clear on what FWB means to you, be clear and don't get pushed into something that doesn't fit what you want.

Are you seeing it as one off hook ups, completely casual regular sex as and when required, sex with someone who gives you a "friendship" of sorts but without romance/relationship vibes ie you can watch TV after or grab a coffee sometimes.
You'll find that people will use FWB to describe all of the above.

I'd say most see it as one off hook ups, well from my experience anyway.
Nothing against that myself (although not for me) but you'll quickly see that many men will go along with your interpretation of FWB to serve their own desires.

Good advice.

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