My bf and I have recently split up and got back together. The issue was he ignores me after arguments. He has apologised and said it will definitely never happen again but I won’t know that until we next have an argument and we only generally argue about once a year.
So we are back together for now but I’m clearly feeling a bit unsure. (There is slightly more to this, happy to explain more about the split if needed but that isn’t my actual question.)
He has a huge amount more spare cash than me. We don’t live together or share finances. When we were having back together talks I told him I didn’t want to go on weekends away as it put huge financial pressure on me. I’m happy with one abroad holiday a year. We went somewhere nice Monday- Friday a few months ago. Financially that is enough for me.
I work full time and run a business on the side so it’s not like I’m not trying but I need to spend a lot of cash on my teenager for the next couple of years. Related to helping him get into his dream career. I explained this. Ive said it many times before.
He said he would be happy to pay for weekends and I said that’s not what I’m getting at at all and I’m happy to just stay home. He has lots of well off friends he can go on holiday with and he does a couple of times a year so he won’t miss out if we only go away once a year.
Anyway he happens to be free in October as his children are away. He asked if I wanted to go away and said he would pay for it. I have said I will check my shifts which I have done today and I’ve requested the relevant days off.
Now after doing that I have started to panic.
My first choice would be not to go away and to cancel the annual leave. My reasons are:
He paid for a weekend away previously a couple of years ago when he wanted to go away and I said I couldn’t afford it. We went where he wanted, did what he wanted and I spent £400 when we were there on food etc. which I couldn’t afford.
I am also not keen to leave my 16 year old on his own for 4 days (the suggested holiday period.)
Im not suggesting we bring my 16 year old and I don’t mind leaving him in theory but this feels a bit unnecessary.
I don’t have any spare money for spending money. I don’t expect him to pay for me whilst we are there and I know he won’t as he hasn’t done on the one occasion this happened before. So because of money/ limited annual leave/ leaving my albeit very capable son home alone I would rather not go. I said thanks last night and that would be nice but I think I actually feel stressed out about it rather than thinking that sounds nice now.
I was going to ask if I was being unreasonable but having written it down I think that would be fine to just say thank you for the offer but I don’t want to go due to the cost when we are there and I don’t feel comfortable leaving my 16 year old. When we went away before, which I paid 50/50 for my son was also on holiday with his dad so not home alone. He would be alone this time. I would happily do this for a wedding or major event but it seems a bit pointless to leave him for 4 days over half term just to go on a holiday that will stress me out anyway as I don’t have the spending money for it.
My other issue is I have very limited spare time/ annual leave and having just got back together with someone I feel like I don’t want to be investing too much time into it in case it doesn’t work out. I say I haven’t got any spare money but what I have even less of is spare time/ annual leave.
I think him offering to take me on holiday is his way of saying sorry for his behaviour but I don’t want a present or a gesture I just don’t want him to behave badly again.
Actually…I am going away to visit my son at uni in November and I have been looking at travel lodges for this to try and keep costs down. He knows how important this is to me. So I think if he wanted to do something nice that was actually for me then he could book us a travel lodge for a night near my son’s uni. (I know this is being cheeky and not something I would ask for but I’m just saying that although the holiday offer is very generous it feels like it is just because he wants to go on holiday and never mind if my son is left home alone and I will struggle with spending money, which he knows.)
So I think I’m just ranting but any helpful suggestions let me know.
I am sure I am coming off as a bit ungrateful but I am feeling unsure after the break up/ getting back together so I also don’t want him to waste his money taking me somewhere if it then doesn’t work out with us. If it didn’t work out long term I would just stay single and then I wouldn’t need the money to go on any future trips!