A game or lack of interest?

[ChroniclesOfWitches]

Nc for this. I feel quite confused and a bit silly that I am feeling like this so just want a reality check and/or a bit of advice.

I've recently been talking to a guy on a dating app, who i had a very brief yet intense situation with about a decade ago. It has been mentioned in passing that there may be some unresolved feelings or what if's for both of us from years ago. However, the conversations have been very hot and cold. I know people are different on message to in person so I decided to take a punt and get a meet out of the way to see if things might were there.

We met yesterday for a coffee and a walk, spent about 3 and a half hours together and everything was fine to a degree. There was a lot of awkwardness but things flowed well. As childish as this sounds, he held my hand and kissed me a few times and the rush of feelings were definitely still there. However a couple of things happened that is raising my suspicions on whether I'm being led on here.... 1) he went on a weird rant near the end about love being an illusion and how women just eventually cheat or divorce men for someone else once they get bored. 2) he had other plans afterwards which he was quite evasive about, and paired with some of the things he would say in text I'm led to believe this may be because he had another date lined up. 3) he has not contacted me since I left him but has been online.

I don't know why I am bothered, it just feels all incredibly silly writing it down but perhaps I'm being a bit too intense because we have some history thinking it might be easier than the normal OLD style, but even when meeting a stranger I've never been left feeling like this.

Why didn’t things work out a decade ago?

Just block him and move on. If he was right for you, you would be feeling confident and happy. This isn't a problem of you being too intense. But if you hang on to this person, I guarantee it will become intense and destructive in no time.

Instincts are there for a reason. Listen to them.

The fact he was being evasive about what he was doing after and then telling you love was an illusion..
I think he is telling you what he is there so I'd believe him. I don't think this date left you feeling the greatest, I wouldn't carry on with this guy.

I get the feeling he's going to leave you high and dry. Also sounds like he is scoping his options out.

And would you have posted on here if you didn't sense something was off?

Trust yourself, I think you are bang on the money.

Instincts are there for a reason. Listen to them.

This. Your doubts are trying to protect you.

he went on a weird rant near the end about love being an illusion and how women just eventually cheat or divorce men for someone else once they get bored.

What's the bet he'll be the cheater or divorcer (which he'll force the woman to instigate) once he gets bored wants new supply.

I wouldn't waste any more time trying to work out this potential headfuckery @ChroniclesOfWitches , if you're posting here after one date imagine what it would be like further down the line

In the first place, why are bothering with someone whose conversations can be hot and then go cold.

The weird rant at the end is definitely a red flag.

I would throw this one back, he doesn’t sound stable or solid.

What happened 10 years ago. Whatever it was, people rarely change.

@Newfigtree I don't really know why. I'm aware it was primarily me sabotaging something i wasnt used to and basically cut and ran. At the time I was 18/19, in quite a vulnerable and damaging place, he was kind, patient, interested and intense. He has said that it was quite obvious that he was way more into me back then, which wasnt the case but it has crossed my mind a couple of times recently that perhaps this is some kind of revenge for something or if I've just simply held on to those big new feelings from that time and that's what I'm chasing now. I dont know it's just all messing with my head and taking me back places I've spent years getting past.

There has also been times when he's referenced things from that time that have made me think that atleast one of us has rewrote parts of that history. Maybe that is the sign in itself.

Let this one go. He wasn't great then and he doesn't sound great now. Weird rants aren't a good sign!

This won’t work out how you want so cut your losses now. The rant was a huge red flag, that was him telling you who he is now.
The other date is fine, you’re both single and you can’t police what he does with his time any more than he can with you.
Not contacting you after the date is disrespectful. Did you message him to say the usual pleasantries? If he’s ignored you then leave it, don’t double text. If you didn’t message and neither has he then it’s done.
Find someone else who is in a healthier place to date.

Let it go OP it sounds like a head fuck. If he liked you properly and wanted to take it further you wouldn’t be feeling confused/out of sorts.

OP
re your comment:
"At the time I was 18/19, in quite a vulnerable and damaging place, he was kind, patient, interested and intense".

The man is a walking red flag.

He targeted you deliberately precisely because you were vulnerable and or in a bad place. He wanted to use and otherwise exploit you. It did not work then and it's not going to work now; he still wants to use you and give you spaghetti head into the bargain. Chuck him back into the dating pool from whence he came. You do not owe him anything let alone a relationship here.

he went on a weird rant near the end about love being an illusion and how women just eventually cheat or divorce men for someone else once they get bored

This says a lot about his view of women, doesn't it? He is cynical in the extreme, and seems to have a fairly low opinion of women in general. Most women leave men because the bloke is an arsehole or a cheater, not because he's boring.

Some things are best left in the past, and this guy is one of them.

I think if reconnecting after all this time was the right thing, you'd be feeling happy and elated that you had a good date, but you aren't. You are posting here as it doesnt feel right. Trust your instincts. The rant is concerning also.

This. 100% this. I know men like this. I used to be friends with men who turned into this.

He's bitter, and twisted, and unwilling to understand that his past relationships ending are as likely to be due to him as the woman.

Put some distance between you and he @ChroniclesOfWitches , he's unlikely to be a good bloke.

he went on a weird rant near the end about love being an illusion and how women just eventually cheat or divorce men for someone else once they get bored. 🚩🚩🚩🚩❌❌❌

Come on…this is not a man who respects women or one who wants an equitable relationship.

The only thing the history means to him is he feels he can tap you whenever he needs a backup plan.