When is enough enough?

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Just curious of people's opinions.
I don't really have anyone to talk to about this so all advice/opinions welcomed.
To cut a long story short there have been niggles in my relationship that I've pushed back and pushed back. We often argue over silly things but the small arguments can turn in to blazing rows.(More often when my partner has been drinking)
The initial point of the argument is lost and it all comes back to the same row where I'm told..... I'm nothing, I have nothing and I never will and That he goes to work so I can "sit on my arse all day doing f* all"

I'm told he's the reason I have anything in life and I'm nothing without him. His exact words are you're nothing but a fat ugly free loader.

Now I will say the nasty comments are worse when he's drunk but conversation is the same regardless.
Sometimes I fear I'm staying because I feel sorry for my kids and the thought of what our future would look like without him, and I question whether it's easier to just stay.
Then other times like straight after a row I'm ready to leave, but come the next day when the dust has settled if you like I'm left questioning if I'm just being silly.

My partner usually wakes up and goes on as if nothing has happened and when I bring it up he just says brushes it off as nothing.

I guess what I'm trying to say is if there's anyone who is in the same situation or has been. What was your breaking point/wake up call when you decided enough is enough, and did you stay and find a resolution, or did you go your separate ways??

He is horrible, nasty, abusive and financially controlling.
He knew exactly what he was doing from the start.
Do you honestly think he will "let" you work nights and he will watch the children? Have you said to him?
You need to get support, can your family help? If not contact Woman's Aid as suggested.
It will only get worse, don't let your children grow up thinking this is normal, it's not.
You were very young when you met him, it doesn't have to be this way.

Sorry to hear you are struggling OP. He is abusive. You’ll need to plan your way out. You were very young to get into a long term relationship with anyone and marriage offers financial protection when there are children involved. But you can still get out. I imagine deep down inside he has low self esteem so if you raise any issues in the relationship or with anything, he has to shut you down. Bit it’s not your job to fix him. He chooses to use abuse as a way to cope with his issues. You don’t need to feel sorry for him ever. The horrible things he says to you and the way they break you down slowly over time are designed to keep you in the relationship as you will think you can never find better or do better. Don’t fall for it. There is a lot of financial abuse going on here too. Child care costs associated with any parent going back to work should be shared 50-50. They are not yours alone to carry. You need to absolutely get your financial independence back - get as much advice on this as you can. Can your parents help? Women’s aid? Reach out for as much support around you as you can. You don’t want your children growing up in this environment and learning this behavior.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to write messages of encouragement or advice, it really is grately appreciated and has helped give me prospective.
I've been worried for so long to seek help (from family specifically) in fear of be perceived as over exaggerating or to even paint my partner in a bad light because that's not how they see him at all, everybody loves him!

That's why I've questioned myself for so long because I guess on the outside looking in have a great life!
I live in a beautiful home with amazing kids, we go on multiple holidays a year. I dont have to "pay a penny" i get to stay at home with my children.
* Which of course i need to add there are huge parts of my life that are incredible and I dont take for granted!*
But equally having the "perfect" life that is provided by my partner is what makes holding things over my head and belittling so easy for him.

Anyway that all said I really feel it's time for a fresh start and hopefully with the support of family I'll be able to make those first steps!

In vino veritas - in wine there is truth. What he says when drunk is what he thinks sober.

Both of you need to realize this isn't working and you need to split up, nobody (including the kids) is happy.

Whose house is it?. Are you named on any mortgage or tenancy agreement?.

He has put you in a gilded cage and you have little to no access to money; that in itself is financial abuse.

How helpful are your family?. Abusers can be quite plausible to those in the outside world so it does not surprise me that everyone supposedly loves him. One or two of your family members/friends may have their own private based suspicions about him.

You were groomed at 17 by this master manipulator and drunkard because you were yourself vulnerable and or in a bad place at the time. The only good to have come out of this union at all are your two children.

Abuse too thrives on secrecy, time to bust this wide open and plan your exit before you and your kids are even more harmed by your abuser/their dad respectively.

Your relationship to him is over because of the abuse he metes out to you, and in turn your kids too. They can and do pick up on all the vibes here and I am certain your eldest child is already noticing everything that happens around him. He will certainly hear all his dad's angry words towards you as his mother.

Keep writing here and get support and help from the likes of Womens Aid. If you can go into a branch of Boots and ask for ANI (pronounced Annie) the staff there will take you to a safe space where you can access domestic violence support services.

I would think he will sabotage any attempts you make to work outside the home, Your own thing re working nights is not going to work out because he will still work whilst you are at home with the kids during daylight hours. He will do nothing to accommodate you.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?.

And indeed do not make this abusive relationship become your children's normal. They deserve better as do you.

I'm on the mortgage however I haven't contributed at all since having children so not sure where that leaves me?

My family and friends are amazing just I've never given them reason to suspect there's issues. But I'm definitely going to lean on them for support now

Do lean on your family for support and with an aim anyway to get away from your abuser. He is not going to make it easy for you to leave and will likely be obstructive at all stages. Going forward he will remain abusive towards you as well.

If you named on the mortgage you are equally liable for the mortgage debt. In any case I would seek legal advice going forward re this matter. I would also suggest that access to his children is court ordered; no informal arrangement should be entered into. Never be afraid to call the police if you feel unsafe within your home.

That's good to read - that you are going to start telling others the truth - because this is not salvageable.

For a relationship to work, there has to be mutual care, trust and respect. Lose any of those, and the edifice totters.

Not only does he not respect you, he is openly contemptuous of you. It's affecting your self-respect too - and the longer you stay, the less you will have the self-respect necessary to leave.

Your family and friends can bolster that and remind you of who you really are, and why you deserve so much more - even if financially you will have less.

You’re only 27, you have so much time to build a career if you want to. Genuinely, leave him, get a place for just the three of you, he’ll have to pay child support and you can get help with childcare fees. It might be tight for a few years but you could actually build a fabulous life for you and your children.

Does he say things like that to you in front of the children?

Are you married to him OP? If not he's put you in a very precarious position. It's all well and good him working 7 days per week to pay for everything, but if you split you'll have no access to any money not in joint accounts, or to a share of his pension. Meanwhile you're building up no pension contributions or savings of your own.

You're in a very abusive relationship and my advice would be to leave if you can.

No those very harsh things are said late after many beers.
The things he might say infront of the kids are smaller digs if you like, such as "your mums a tramp" or "your mums done f* all again today"

Things like that so by no means good but not to the extreme of when he's had a drink

No we aren't Married, funnily enough he's always said its not for him!

Dear God. No. You cannot stick around such a nasty controlling man.

The things he might say infront of the kids are smaller digs if you like, such as "your mums a tramp" or "your mums done f all again today"*

My goodness OP the very fact you class these as "smaller digs" shows how you have been conditioned to accept his abusive language towards you.
These aren't " smaller digs" and ars really teaching your children to disrespect you too.