Friends with an ex

[Orchidlie22]

I’ve just started dating someone, v early days and all going well apart from….they are good friends with their ex and I’m not sure how I feel about it. He called it a day is what he’s told me. They were only together a year or so and she is not the mother to his children. What are people’s thoughts? Never had this situation before! Should I run for the hills?

Personally - I’ll give it a little time and see.
You don’t know much about him. And if you even want this to become anything serious.
I’d also think - if they are ‘friends’ - then at some point once you go from ‘dating’ to a ‘relationship’ - you meet his friends, including the ex. Ask him if this is how he sees it - in general. If he says - no, he doesn’t see it that way, then I’d be less inclined to invest much energy into it.

Presumably they are an ex for a reason.

What's his wider circle like? Has he got close family? If not then it might be she is someone he feels he can trust and confide in. It's still early days for your relationship, I would give it a chance. Listen to your gut and if it feels weird or you're not comfortable, your feelings are completely valid. It might be as things start to go well for you, that friendship will naturally drift apart.

I wouldn’t be keen.

Are they friends or associates? I’d say to people I’m friends with a few exes but what I really mean is I’ll send them a happy birthday or happy Christmas and not walk past them in the street. My husband’s ex wife is one of his close friends and it doesn’t bother me at all they were split 11 years before I came on the scene and were together from 15 with 2 adult kids so I don’t find it weird at all in fact I really like her. I guess it’s because I know I have no reason to feel threatened.

Thanks for the insights!

They are friends who help each other out with childcare/dog care, their children get on as they lived together for 6 months before it ended.

I’d be wary of enmeshment and unfinished business. I’d definitely not play pick me with my partner so if I feel it isn’t done entirely I’d be out. Maybe investigate a little bit the nature of their relationship before you decide.

I wouldn't continue seeing him because this has the smell of unfinished business and a pick me situation and with him being such good friends with his ex, is there actually room for you in his emotional life?

I’m friends with a fair few of my exes. I wouldn’t go there again but we’ve ended amicably. I would hope that any new partner would see that this is a healthy thing and hating exes is really unhelpful. Unless they were dreadful and none of mine were.
Keep your insecurities in check and get to know him.

Maybes im just getting old but personally I couldn't be arsed in the early days of a relationship to figure out whether an ex who isnt even the co parent is a legit freind or unfinished business or a future problem. You'd have to figure that out over time, and then you're involved. It just feels like future mess and life's short.

@supercali77i hear you and I’m swaying to that way of thinking myself. Frustrating though as everything else was looking good!

I wouldn’t have an issue with this. Plenty of ex’s remain friends. I guess if the split was very recent that may make a difference but a few years then it wouldn’t bother me.

I’m friends with lots of my exes. Doesn’t bother DH in the slightest. We have been together 25 years.

I’m very guarded due to past horrid experiences so that isn’t helping. Trying not to let my own insecurities affect my judgement.