My marriage ended a few years ago following ex DHs infidelity and I have dated a little since then, including a man for a long while who was the epitome of walking red flag. I gaslighted myself with him even though he showed me early on he was a skilled liar, cheat, selfish etc.
After that relationship I knew I had to truly work on myself so that I had the strength and self respect not to just ignore red flags and see the best in everyone.
Recently got talking to a guy from online dating. He appeared to tick many boxes… I noticed his texting behaviour was a bit strange, ie he would go quiet for days and in the evenings… but I figured that we didn’t know each other so he didn’t owe me lots of messages.
So we met up this week. The date, honestly, was amazing. Lots of chemistry. He was very complimentary. We laughed a lot.
However a few things came to my mind after our date…
Prior to us meeting he’d mentioned he had a good very well paid job (he made a point of mentioning his six figure salary, I didn’t ask) but that he didn’t like it and was looking for something else. However, on the date we got chatting to a guy sitting at the next table who asked what we did for work. Date replied “Not currently working, am interviewing for roles”. And I said “I didn’t know you left your job?” And he said “yes I told you that!” And seemed a bit narked that I’d picked him up on that.
He also said that he and his ex split up in November last year and were in the process of selling the house but she didn’t live there anymore. The following day (guessing because we have mutual friends and his number is on my phone) his Facebook profile pops up as a suggested friend. I looked at it and there were posts of him looking for removal companies to move to where he lives now, in August last year… it’s of course possible that they moved into a house and split 3 months later, but he had said they had lived in the house together for a couple of years.
So, despite the fact it was the best date I’ve had for ages, and I found him ridiculously attractive. I sent him a message to tell him I didn’t think it would go anywhere and wishing him well. I said I had noticed some inconsistencies in things he’d told me. His response was quite telling. Basically said he could explain but he didn’t like being accused etc… I didn’t engage and signed off with a friendly goodbye.
Not entirely sure why I’m posting 😂 but I guess I’m proud that I am finally following my gut and not allowing lust or my desire to be loved lead me astray. So its more evenings at home with my cat, candles and a glass of wine… but im ok with it 🙂