Do I leave

[bebanjo]

Hi, I’m 55 been married 20 years, together 24. One Daughter 20 this year.
no major back story, no past abuse, no drink issues no drug no other men/ women.
he hasn’t changed, I have.
stay at home mum home educating DD tell 5 years ago, when I went back to paid work. Nothing changed, I carried on doing everything. Many rows over the past 5 years about who has what money, how much I do ect.
after I went away for a weekend on my own he has realised how much I do and now appreciates me, so he says. He is will ing to do what it takes for me to stay. When I tell him what his missed, for example manky veg in the fridge, socks in living room floor. He declared what ever he does it will not be enough.
i am not willing to put up with someone who does not think more of me any longer.
do I tell him point by point exactly what needs to be done or do I just go?

Honestly, I recently realised that my husband doesn't love me. He lives the services I provide him. He proclaims his undying love but his actions betray him. It's not loving to do the bare minimum while someone else picks up your slack.

Are you ready to leave? Do you want to try counselling? Will it make a difference? My H will step up. It lasts a few months and then I'm back to square one having the same conversations with the same person. The resentment is growing. I've shut down emotionally.

Can you leave financially?

You don’t sound happy.

Hi, I’m happy in me, I’m just not happy with him.
i have a few options, i would not be destitute if i left.
i have thought about relate, not convinced he would engage, i will ask but im not hopeful.
i just dont want things to get a bit better and then be back here in 6 months or a year.

I appreciate that you said you were unhappy and he listened.
I think you need to sit down together and decide what is important to keep the relationship going, if that's actually what you want.
Blaming him for having manky veg in the fridge would also mean that half of us would be divorced too! Pick your battles.

He is willing to do what it takes for me to stay. When I tell him what his missed, for example manky veg in the fridge, socks in living room floor. He declared what ever he does it will not be enough So he’s not actually willing to do whatever it takes to get you to stay? He’s just willing to say what he thinks you want to hear but he has no intention of actually following through with it and will attempt to wriggle out of it by convincing you that you’re asking too much from him by expecting him to pick up his dirty socks off the living room floor.

It has been 24 years. If he hasn’t learnt by now that dirty socks belong in the washing basket and not the living room floor, then he’s never going to. Maybe it’s about time you tell him that he’s right. You cannot envision a time where his attempts will ever be good enough.

Whether or not that’s something you can tolerate for the rest of your life, only you can answer.