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Original poster

Mortgage issues when separating

29 replies

WorthyHelper · 04/09/2025 20:16

Im going through a divorce and my former partner usually pays 70% of the mortgage and i pay 30% of it proportional to our salaries. He earns 3x the amount I do but has always wanted me to pay 50% of it. Since we separated he hasn't been consistently paying me for all council tax and water bills that are in my name. The mortgage was originally coming out from his bank account and I would transfer my proportion to him but after talking to his solicitor he has taken the direct debit off his account and sent me an email to say I am fully liable for it and if I do not pay the mortgage I will have a poor credit file but the mortgage was in both our names. I cant afford to pay the mortgage on my own and I dont know what to do. Please can a your advise me further as I am stressed and scared. The only reason I wasnt giving the full 30% is because I was deducting the contributions that he didnt make and now he is saying thst I need to be paying 50% of the mortgage and he will put a standing order into my account. Neither of us even live there. The mortgage company just told me thst they want the mortgage in full every month. How do I move forward with this?

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 04/09/2025 20:19

Why are neither of you living there? You need to sell it asap.

Original poster
WorthyHelper · 04/09/2025 20:19

Shinyandnew1 · 04/09/2025 20:19

Why are neither of you living there? You need to sell it asap.

He kicked me out and has left the area. He won't agree to sell.

OP posts:
TheCurious0range · 04/09/2025 20:21

Contact your mortgage company explain the situation ask to go interest only for 6 months, you'll then need to take him to court to force a sale

dodobedo · 04/09/2025 20:22

WorthyHelper · 04/09/2025 20:19

He kicked me out and has left the area. He won't agree to sell.

Show quote history

He wasn't entitled to "kick you out" - if he's left the area then why not move back in?

As regards to the mortgage, can you pay 50%? If not then the only alterative you are left with is to sell the place.

Pineapplewaves · 04/09/2025 20:25

If it’s a joint mortgage you are both liable to pay it, if nobody pays the mortgage it will get repossessed and you’ll both have a bad credit rating. If nobody is living in the property get it on the market now.

Motheranddaughter · 04/09/2025 20:27

As far as the mortgage company is concerned you are both jointly and severally liable for the mortgage
Speak to them and try and get a mortgage holiday
Unless you want to live in the house and can afford to take on the whole mortgage,then the quicker the house is sold the better
Get legal advice on forcing your ex to agree to the sale

aCatCalledFawkes · 04/09/2025 20:32

Do you have children? Are you claiming universal credit?
I would first of all move back in to the house. He has no right to tell you you can't live there. If you do have children I would claim benefits if you can and I would get my solictitor to file for and emergency hearing for finacial relief. What and idiot telling you he wasn't going to pay by letter.

Original poster
WorthyHelper · 04/09/2025 20:34

So I pay 30% of the mortgage at the moment. If I get it switched to interest only would it likely reduce it to a third of the current payments? The mortgage company have refused to help snd said they no longer offer mortgage holidays?

OP posts:
Original poster
WorthyHelper · 04/09/2025 20:36

aCatCalledFawkes · 04/09/2025 20:32

Do you have children? Are you claiming universal credit?
I would first of all move back in to the house. He has no right to tell you you can't live there. If you do have children I would claim benefits if you can and I would get my solictitor to file for and emergency hearing for finacial relief. What and idiot telling you he wasn't going to pay by letter.

No we dont have children. And not on universal credit either. Im just really worried because he wants me to set up the mortgage direct debit in my name.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 04/09/2025 20:37

I’d change it back to his account and make it clear that he will get a bad credit rating too as you cannot afford to pay. He needs to agree to sell or buy you out. Investigate how to force a sale. Not sure if that’s expensive or you can do it yourself. Impossible situation you’re in.

NewsdeskJC · 04/09/2025 20:49

If he has any access or knowledge of your bank account, simply close it and set up another.
Set up a standing order ( not a direct debit) for your part of the mortgage.
Write to the mortgage company and tell them that you have asked for help and they have failed to offer any assistance to you, despite you being vulnerable.

Motheranddaughter · 04/09/2025 20:59

WorthyHelper · 04/09/2025 20:34

So I pay 30% of the mortgage at the moment. If I get it switched to interest only would it likely reduce it to a third of the current payments? The mortgage company have refused to help snd said they no longer offer mortgage holidays?

I don’t think so
The mortgage company have no interest in the arrangement you and ex had re the amount you both paid
They will want full payment
Whi is the mortgage company
They should give you some sort of grace period assuming mortgage has not previously been in arrears
But sooner rather than later they will move to repossession
Is there much equity in the house

Original poster
WorthyHelper · 04/09/2025 21:08

Motheranddaughter · 04/09/2025 20:59

I don’t think so
The mortgage company have no interest in the arrangement you and ex had re the amount you both paid
They will want full payment
Whi is the mortgage company
They should give you some sort of grace period assuming mortgage has not previously been in arrears
But sooner rather than later they will move to repossession
Is there much equity in the house

Show quote history

No not much quity. About one fifth of the total value of the house. He is not agreeing to sell. I feel like im in an impossible position.

OP posts:
Itsrainingloadshere · 04/09/2025 21:11

Get the legal process started to force a sale. You must do this. Also contact the mortgage company again and explain the situation. Interest only for a while is a good option.

LittlleMy · 04/09/2025 21:12

WorthyHelper · 04/09/2025 21:08

No not much quity. About one fifth of the total value of the house. He is not agreeing to sell. I feel like im in an impossible position.

Show quote history

Well he can’t have it both ways. You’ve told him you can’t afford an equal contribution so looks like the payments will default and repossession will commence in which case he will also suffer from bad credit.

Original poster
WorthyHelper · 04/09/2025 21:14

LittlleMy · 04/09/2025 21:12

Well he can’t have it both ways. You’ve told him you can’t afford an equal contribution so looks like the payments will default and repossession will commence in which case he will also suffer from bad credit.

Show quote history

What will happen to my finances though. Will I ever be able to tske a credit card put again or a car loan or get another mortgage? Im absolutely terrified.

OP posts:
Dairymilkisminging · 04/09/2025 21:28

You also can't go on interest only without his permission. Least my bank wouldn't let me

Motheranddaughter · 04/09/2025 21:33

Your credit rating will take a hit but can be rebuilt
You must start proceedings to force the sale of the house There is no real defence to that ,and while it won’t be quick or easy (or cheap) you will get it in the end
The threat of court might force him to agree to a sale
The house will have to be sold,it’s only a question of whether you sell it or the mortgage company repossess and sell it
I hope I don’t sound too harsh

letssayyesthencancel · 04/09/2025 21:37

Are you able to see if you can rent the property out? You’d need to both agree. But it’s financial abuse to not sell and also not pay his share. Are you not entitled to move in, if that helps?

you need to seek legal advice to force a sale, live in it with a lodger, or agree to rent it out.

Shinyandnew1 · 04/09/2025 22:51

He kicked me out and has left the area. He won't agree to sell

How long ago? Where are you living now-can't you move back in?

You need to get some legal advice-that house needs to be sold so you can both move on. You are both equally liable though-the mortgage company won't care that you want to pay 30%, they just want to be paid.

Loveduppenguin · 04/09/2025 22:55

Move back in and get a lodger. In to help with finances…and get a solicitor ASAP!!

Girlmom35 · 05/09/2025 08:35

@WorthyHelper
Have you had any legal advice other than coming on this forum???
Have you met with a sollicitor?
If not, have you contacted one and asked for an appointment?
If not, when are you planning to do so?

Omgblueskys · 05/09/2025 11:12

Op refuse to have the standing order in your bank just refuse, what can he do ??
You still paying your 30% so fuck him,
You need advice, obviously it needs selling, otherwise you move back in, or use it as a rental but in that case you can come of the mortgage and leave him to it,
Don't allow him this power op, go to were you mortgage is sit down and explain your situation and discuss interest only mortgage for the foreseeable future, op get strong and sort this out,
Right now your only continue to pay the 30% if he becomes difficult stop paying it, what can he do op, your paying towards a property your not even living in

MargoLivebetter · 05/09/2025 11:25

@WorthyHelper this sounds very stressful. Do you have a solicitor yourself?

My first questions are:
Was the house a joint purchase?

Who technically owns the house on the deeds?
Is the mortgage currently in both your names?

Were you paying him or the mortgage company previously for your share or the mortgage payments?

Motheranddaughter · 05/09/2025 18:28

Omgblueskys · 05/09/2025 11:12

Op refuse to have the standing order in your bank just refuse, what can he do ??
You still paying your 30% so fuck him,
You need advice, obviously it needs selling, otherwise you move back in, or use it as a rental but in that case you can come of the mortgage and leave him to it,
Don't allow him this power op, go to were you mortgage is sit down and explain your situation and discuss interest only mortgage for the foreseeable future, op get strong and sort this out,
Right now your only continue to pay the 30% if he becomes difficult stop paying it, what can he do op, your paying towards a property your not even living in

OP needs the consent of the mortgage company to ‘come off the mortgage’
And that is unlikely to be forthcoming
And if only 30% of the mortgage is being paid the mortgage company will move to repossess