How on earth can you find a relationship these days?

[Thegrassroots26]

I know this might have been done to death, but what is a person who genuinely wants to find a relationship meant to do these days?

The apps mostly don’t work. You have to get very lucky or be not that picky. Dating someone at work isn’t advised due to the awkwardness there. As an adult friendships can be a challenge juggling kids and work, so who is going to set you up with a nice friend. I just genuinely haven’t got a clue how to meet anyone.

Does anyone else feel like it’s hopeless out there and they might as well just give.

Please don’t tell me to join a hobby group! I don’t like running nor do I want to date a runner.

I met my lovely man when I had no intention of meeting anyone nor any desire to. I had been single for 22 years & very happy that way. I had decided to join my local pool for some exercise in the morning. it was something I wanted to do for myself, nothing more.

My intention was to get better at swimming but actually a lot of people there just walk up & down and I discovered i liked this better. I got chatting to lots of others there including one man who initially I just enjoyed chatting to. Nothing more even entered my head. I joined June 24. By winter we were Facebook friends & messaging occasionally. Just before the pool closed for Christmas he told me he had a present for me so we walked out together & he gave me a box of my fave chocs cos he’d remembered I’d mentioned them at some point. As I had no present for him, I asked to take him for a coffee instead over the Christmas break.

We have been together ever since. He’s the loveliest kindest man. I’ve met his daughter & grandsons. He hasn’t met my children or parents yet but it will be happening in a few weeks (my kids are in their 20’s).

When I tell you my life couldn’t be more different I’m not exaggerating. (I also changed jobs after 25 years as a childminder so that’s huge too).

my advice to you would be to do something YOU want to do. Don’t join something to meet someone. Join for yourself. Best case scenario you meet someone who has the same interests as you, worst case, you get to enjoy something you wanted to do anyway.

Sorry to say but the defeatist attitude won’t help. Didn’t I read 20-25% of marriages are from people who met on the apps? So clearly your statement that apps don’t work is incorrect. Go back there and treat it seriously and you might find what you’re looking for. Good luck !

@Thegrassroots26 ive also been thinking that online dating has had its day. The market seems to have become over saturated. However reading this thread has made me want to try again. My best relationship was meeting someone on a forum then starting as friends. I think the problem for me has been the falseness you mention so id always secretly wanted to be friends first. There's a long running dating thread on here which is worth joining.

So drive 25 mins!

Surely the market being over saturated is a good thing?!

@SaidAHipHopTheHippieToTheHippie great name! So I mean more that in the past, it would be quite a niche thing so you'd meet some, interesting intelligent sorts who you wouldnt meet normally whereas now any old person is on there so there's too many idiots who just see online dating as the norm. For example the long forgotten Guardian Soulmates.

It’s not in dating apps’ interests to help you find a partner as they can only make money out of you when you’re single so it’s sheer million to one luck if you manage to find someone on there.

I’m a passive user of them, and find I have to ‘work’ at it in order to get anything out of them - swipe a lot, be proactive, message people, even if I’m not convinced by them at first. Give people a go.

But it’s tough and it’s boring being on them. I can’t usually be arsed and try and embrace my single life instead. If someone comes along in real life all the better, but if they don’t, then so be it. I don’t want to spend my life swiping.

Good luck OP.

Ah I get you 👍

If you have kids it's going to be a challenge

I doubt many men want to "take on" someone else's children, I wouldn't go.for any man who had kids, just too crowded.

Cast your net wide, forget your criteria, no man will ever match up. In the nicest way possible, you're not the most beautiful woman on the planet, none of us are. And it's the same for men. Believe it or not, you're looking for someone who will put up with your shit, your bad days, your issues. So you have to be prepared to do the same.

Doesn't matter if they are older or younger, fat or thin, loads a money or a broke guy with ambition. You will find someone, just keep looking.

I often think when people moan about the apps, it’s possible that it’s because they are not very savvy at using them? I had rules for myself on them, ie if someone hadn’t bothered with a decent profile I wouldn’t entertain them. I never handed my phone number out until after I had met someone for a date. And I went into with a really open mind, but I also was not bothered about a relationship. I basically went into the whole thing a bit tongue in cheek, only going on the apps when I felt great about myself. Also I didn’t need anything from anyone I met, if you know what i mean… no marriage/kids etc basically if I agree to a date with you, how are you going to impress me. I met an awesome guy (shocked me that they existed) and we’ve been together three years now. I know it’s not always easy but I really believe it’s about your attitude…oh I have three kids FYI, I also decided that they wouldn’t be involved and that I wanted a relationship for me… he has with absolutely no presumption from me embraced the children and they have embraced him…